Doctor In The House

As a blogger, I'm expected to follow a well established, though usually unwritten, code of behavior. Among the 70-odd rules [yes, they're listed as "Suggested Lifestyle", but they're as firm as the concrete that holds what was mortal of Jimmy Hoffa] is one I like to call #47: "Never admit to enjoying anything considered pop culture". Blogging is supposed to be the last bastion of iconoclastic losers...sorry, I meant "loners". Yes, "loners" [although if someone throws me in the Loony Bin, I really can't argue too much, now can I?]. Well, I like Pop-Tarts. I like Diet Pepsi [together with Pop-Tarts]. And I like House, MD.

(Actually I admitted to that one once before, in a roundabout way; during the Writer's Strike, I noted that I wanted more episodes of House. Fortunately, that worked itself out)

Then again, my enjoyment is built on some odd circumstances. Because of my transportation requirements [going to work], and the current FOX schedule, I only get to see the first half of any given episode [I was able to catch up on Friday nights, when they'd rerun an old episode. But now the weasels at Fox are running movies on Friday nights. And not so-bad-they're-good "movies of the week". No, these are movies I didn't want to see at the theater, and don't want to see now! ]. Still, with House I don't need to know what the disease is. I just want to see the people who interact with Dr. House resist the understandable desire to punch his lights out. Yes, he's a medical savant. Mozart was a musical savant. And history [as well as the excellent movie Amadeus] tells us he was no walk on the beach, either.

Another enjoyable part of the show is that it is as rigorously formatted as a Sherlock Holmes story. A brief prologue shows the subject of the episode suddenly suffering some severe and mysterious illness. Then, the show [almost always] has House explaining the symptoms, and asking his team for suggestions about what to do next[Those suggestions are met with contempt by House who, we suspect, knows exactly what's wrong, but wants someone to confirm his theory: he obviously believes that, if the answer is obvious to the cretins he works with, it must be correct].

Another regular part of the show is the scene that reveals the patient is getting worse; this is indicated by he or she coughing up blood [The Woman I Love pointed this out to me; now we wait patiently for the Great Indicator. Last night's episode held the CUB scene 'till halfway through; usually it comes about 20 minutes in, in case you're wondering. Sensitive souls are advised to get their snack around that time]. I can't imagine how much fake blood has passed the lips of guest stars, but it must be in the tens of gallons! More visceral than convulsions, more visual than a spastic colon, the CUB scene is as much a part of a House episode as an OLS [obligatory Lesbian scene] is in an adult movie [or so I'm told].

(By the way, if anyone from FOX is reading this, do America [and yourselves] a favor. Ditch those movies on Friday night, and give us more House.)

Thank you...

-Mike Riley