Love Hurts [And Scars]

In the two or so years I've been writing these little "thought-pods" [is that the most pretentious description of a post you've eve heard? It is? Good. Thank you], and reading other blogs, I've discovered that the most commented on entries are either about the best money-making programs, or sex. I know nothing about making money on the Web, so...

-We travel first to our neighbors to the north, Canada. Specifically, prairie metropolis Winnipeg.That city's excellent Free Press newspaper recently shared the story of a man who suffered, shall we say, "unusual" injuries during a romantic interlude. No, nothing THAT interesting [or perverted. Get your mind out of the gutter. There's no room for mine].The 24-year-old man was brought to a hospital suffering from a rather gaping hole in his heart [now that's a sex game I don't want to learn]. Things were, as they say, "touch-and-go" for a while, but he made a full recovery, just in time to speak on behalf of his 25-year-old partner d'Amour, accused of carving a heart into the skin over his real heart, and slicing it open in the process. [By the way, while we're on this subject, I think I've finally found something that Google doesn't have an image for. Nothing for chest carving. Lots for pumpkin carving, but that didn't seem helpful] This left us to settle for the rather generic surgery image that illustrates this post. Apparently the two had been drinking rather heavily [oh, what a surprise!], and he had requested the heart job. A sympathetic judge sentenced her to probation, since both parties agreed he had asked for it. On so many levels. But another story beckons us now. Crank up the Enola Gay, somebody. We're bound for...

-Iceland [Am I just suspicious, or is there a cold weather/sexual adventure theme developing here?], home to the Phallological Museum, displaying examples of the wide variety in the penises [penii? I'm never sure what the plural here is] of creatures great and small. Founder/curator Sigurdur Hjartartson started collecting "retired" male members in 1974 with a bull's penis [most people want the ears and tail, but not our Sigurdur], and now is the proud [for what else could he be but proud] owner of some 260 examples, distributed across 90 species. Currently not on display is an example of the human tallywhacker [where's Relax Max, of BritishSpeak fame, when you need someone with a list of synonyms for the male sex organ? Between his own imagination and the clever wankers in the UK, we'd have euphemisms 'till the cows came home], but Mr. Hjartartson is just waiting on one of four donors to die, and deliver his already-promised lightning rod to the Museum. The potential donors, a German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton [and if that's not the start of a joke, it should be. Imagine the four of them walking into a bar. Imagine them having a date with the same girl on the same night. Now, write the damn joke and get out of my face], are currently represented by certificates that note their great donation [I'm not impressed; if they were really concerned about the completeness of the collection, they'd give it up now!]. The American contributor was helpful enough to give the Museum a plastic, oh let's call it a "representation" of the tool in question [some viewers have their doubts as to its accuracy], as well as the information that he calls his member "Elmo" [now, that's disturbing. Is anyone out there waiting for the Museum's take on "Tickle Me Elmo"?]

Before you dismiss the attraction of a penis museum, know that 6,000 visitors walked in by the abstract human penis sculpture that identifies the Museum. For what it's worth, 60 % of them were women. Which is as good a transition as any for our final stop...

-Tokyo, where a lingere company has created the first "solar-powered bra" [hold on a minute. This one deserves an illustration]

If I understand the concept rightly, the little light receptors on the front of the brassiere are connected to batteries strapped to the girl's chest. The solar energy is sent to the battery for storage. The only FLAW in the whole plan involves the common practice of wearing clothing over underwear. This negates the light receptors, and the rest of the plan as well. Then again, the lingere manufacturer calls this a "concept bra". Not a well-thought-out concept, was it?

Now, let's see what kind of comments I get!

-Mike Riley