If I Had It My Way, I'd Kill Him

I'm not the first person to ask this question in the Blogosphere, and I don't suspect I'll be the last, but, here it is:

-Is there a more creepy corporate icon than the current Burger King?

I mean, COME ON! Even if you have an aversion to clowns, Ronald Freakin' McDonald is a more benign-looking representation of the Hamburger Empire than Frozen-Faced Freak Boy.

This has been my belief since the current BK was introduced, but I was reminded of it last week, when business forced me to wait for a bus outside a Halloween-themed store. The business was forcing one of its employees to dress up as BK to attract attention to the place, and perhaps encourage people to wear a King costume on Halloween(Not me. Never me. Not now, not ever, NEVER!). Sitting next to me on the bench by the bus stop was a woman who I'd guess to be in her mid-20's. Her reaction to the ersatz icon? "I hope that thing don't come over here. It's just creepy". So it's not just me, as so many of these rants are. It may not be as universal as I suspect it is, but that's BESIDES the point. He's creepy, he's creepy, and that's all there is to it.

To set a baseline: the most-offensive fast-food mascot in recent memory was Taco Bell's Chihuahua, the most awkward ethnic stereotype flaunted by a national advertiser in the last decade or so. But Taco Dog, for all his offenses, was never guilty of frightening little children and adults alike.

I actually felt sorry for the pseudo-King. That costume has to be #1 or 2 on the list of "Halloween Outfits Most Likely To Get You Beat Up By Drunks Offended By Your Face Not Moving. But it's not just that. It's a creepy face, a permanently-goofy expression of Serenity in a world of Perplexities. It's a face that disturbs because it looks singularly un-disturbed. By anything.

And they'll likely sell or rent millions of them...

-Mike Riley