A Progress Report...and A History Lesson

Well, things must be going o.k. so far; here we are, halfway through the medical procedures, and I'm already back blogging. Actually, we're two-thirds of the way through. The left-eye surgery and colonoscopy took place last week [what fun!], and the right eye gets done on Wednesday (In a related note, celestial high-fives to Paul Baines, regular reader/visitor/commentator, for his kind vibes from the UK. By the bye, Mr. Baines is also a world-class purveyor and creator of street art, as well as an insightful observer of the art scene. Don't believe me? Well, who does? Check for yourself).

There's really not much to tell about the colonoscopy; as with most people, the prep is the truly ugly part [no need to go into detail here: just understand that the preparations involve taking a two-week supply of a popular laxative in about an hour, followed by four stool softeners, twice the normal dosage. Draw your own conclusions]. They found a couple of polyps, but, pending further review, they're believed to be non-cancerous.

The eye surgery [cataract removal, along with a lens insertion], on the other hand [or eye], turned out to be rather interesting. First of all, my opthamologist used sound waves to break up the offending growth [being in radio, I find that somehow appropriate]. Then, some kind of teenie-tiny suction device [I'm sure there's a medical term for it, but I'll be damned if I know what it is] removes the particles. Then, a plastic lens [folded, somehow] is inserted through the incision. It opens up on the eye and, shazam, improved vision. And it really is improved vision, in my case. I'm severely near-sighted, and the left eye, worked on first, is much the worse of the two. It's truly bizarre to be able to see reasonably clearly out of it after 40-some odd years of wearing glasses. Of course, I now need to wear reading glasses for "close work". Complicating this is the fact that the right eye is still severely near-sighted. At first, I was switching between the reading glasses and my old prescription glasses. For the last day or two, though, I've settled on the reading glasses when I need them [like right now, for instance] and no glasses at all otherwise. This gives me what I call the "Popeye effect": clear sight from one eye, while squinting out of the other [hence the famous squint-eyed sailor at the top of this post].

But enough about me. Speaking of Popeye, did you know he's celebrating his 80th birthday this month? He first appeared on January 17th, 1929, in an established comic strip called Thimble Theatre, by Elsie Segar. The feature had spent a decade telling stories of the Oyl family, especially Castor, and his sister, Olive [She, in the pre-Popeye days, dated a friend of Castor's,Ham Gravy]. A story line sent Ham and Castor out on a boat, operated by Popeye. Reader response to the character went through the roof, and soon poor Ham was written out of the strip [making him the Pete Best of the cartoon world]. Popeye and his sea-faring adventures soon became the main focus of the comic, and Segar became a rather wealthy cartoonist.

So, happy birthday, one-eyed sailor with the strangely-mutated arms! No less a Superman expert than co-creator Jerry Siegel claims he developed the Superman-Lois relationship based on Popeye's [frequently] unrequited love for Olive [Siegel was also smart enough to make Lois a much hotter babe than Ms. Oyl ever dreamt of being]. Sometime I need to take a look at the whole Popeye-Olive Oyl-Bluto triangle. Why these two guys, who frequently seem friendly enough, need to fight over a woman who has a pickle for a nose raises some intriguing questions:

-Why Olive Oyl? Hey, they could certainly do better. Unless OO has some undefined skills in, shall we say, intimate moments [Cleopatra was said to be rather plain, yet she nailed down two key figures at the founding of the Roman Empire. Was it in how she nailed them?].

-The Popeye-Bluto rivalry; their battles frequently break down to contests of strength. Strength implies superiority, or power over another. Is this all just a struggle over who's on top during those long, lonely nights at sea?

-Repeated struggles: do Popeye and Bluto have an "Olive Oyl" in every port? Does Bluto beat Popeye consistently in any of them? And, more importantly, do any of them look like Lois Lane [or even Lana Lang]?

But that's for another time. Again, thanks for the prayers and good Karma. Please keep it coming. Another surgery awaits...

-Mike Riley

Down For Maintenance...Not My Computer, Me!

When someone first starts writing a blog, they come to it with enthusiasm [or, at least, let's hope so. Whether the goal is money or notoriety (there aren't that many
famous bloggers), it's easy to be "up" for regular posting]. Soon, though, reality sets in. Lots of EC drops, but almost never a comment. I'm okay with that, though. After all, I'm not the most active commenter out there. Still, I try. I make an effort to add something new here at least once a week [it's much cheaper than psychotherapy, and I can pretend I'm creative].

For the next two weeks, though, I may be away completely. Why? Well, it's my turn for maintenance. I've mentioned here a time or two that I'm diabetic [more insights on the subject here]. In case you're not aware, diabetes plays all kinds of havoc with its sufferers' bodies. One area that usually takes a beating are the eyes. In my case, the problem is cataracts. They're not at the "I can't see anything" stage, but my opthamologist thinks it's a good time to have them out.

I have to confess I'm a little nervous about the whole thing. I probably shouldn't be. After all, this same doctor took care of TheWomanILove's cataracts, a couple of years ago, and she's done quite well since her surgeries. And I seem to remember reading somewhere that cataract surgery dates back to ancient Rome, making it one of the older regularly-practiced procedures. There's even a bonus up-side for me. My eye doctor seems to think that, by implanting a plastic lens in each eye after removing the cataracts [think permanent contact lenses], I might not need glasses for my near-sightedness. What is nearsightedness? To explain, please welcome a special guest: (Jinkies, that Velma is hot! Daphne's got nothin' on her...)

Still, it's a moment of mixed emotions. I've worn glasses since I was about seven, more than 40 years! The only photo I have of myself without glasses is, well, revealing in other areas [hey, I was in college...]. The pleasure most people feel when the air hits their exposed face seems, well, freakish to me. Besides, for various reasons, they can only do one eye at a time. So, for a week, I'll be looking out through one surgically-improved eye, and one that is still very nearsighted. Talk about an odd view of the world!

Complicating all this is the fact that, in-between the two eye surgeries, I'm going in for my first colonoscopy. I could throw in a link to a medically sensible explanation of the procedure, but just think: camera sliding around up your ass, and I think you'll have a better sense of the whole thing than medical science can give you.

In summary, then: I'll try to get back here as soon as I can. But if there's nothing new here for a couple of weeks, I think you'll understand.

-Mike Riley

It's All Freud's Fault, Well. Sort Of

There is, or at least was, a group of people in the habit of blaming Sigmund Freud

for Everything Wrong with Modern Society. Well, while Freud's seeming emphasis on the Sex Drive being responsible for everything from choice of automobile to choice of whether or not to smoke certainly didn't make him any friends among the Status Quo powers of Early-20th-Century America, they did find enthusiastic support within the new Mercantile Class. Or so goes the premise of one episode of a BBC short series [four, one-hour episodes] that I discovered recently while cruising a social site [the series can be found here ].

Actually, the person responsible for the Cult of Consumerism wasn't so much Freud, as his American nephew, Edward Bernays. Forgotten today, he may have been the most important man of the 1920's in America. Bernays:

-translated many of Freud's observations into usable information for business. After the First World War, American Industry was running at near-top levels, from manufacturing war materiel for the Allies. Manufacturers wanted to keep their factories putting out product. But, to make that work, Americans had to be convinced to purchase for pleasure, not out of necessity. Bernays helped sculpt advertising that addressed those purposes, based on Freud's observations on what pleased humans.

- "invented" the concept of public relations; may have been the first person to call himself a PR expert. Bernays saw the Populace, in general, as something to be feared, as it could easily be "herded" by Authority [as he had just seen happen in World War I]. He hoped to turn the techniques of persuasion over to the Private Sector, who, he believed, would use the power for marketing their goods, instead of promoting political ideas [which, with few exceptions, is the way it's all played out].

-created the first "media events" for promotional purposes. Bernays was once hired by a major cigarette manufacturer, who had a little problem: in the 1920's, the link between cigarette smoking and cancer, emphysema, and other debilitating illnesses had not been discovered, but there was a traditional taboo which forbade women from smoking openly in public. In a famous experiment, Bernays hired a group of attractive women, and told them to join the line of march for New York City's Easter Parade. On a signal from him, they were simply to light up, and smoke in public. Then he sent cleverly-written press releases to local newspapers, alerting them that "attractive women" would be taking part in a "women's rights march", lighting "torches of freedom" during the parade! The papers, for the most part, got the hint, and wrote articles noting that women had smoked in public, without the Republic collapsing.

-created the concept of "product placement". When Bernays was at his peak, it was not unusual to see an actor or actress [whom Bernays worked for], promoting a product [whose manufacturer had also hired Bernays], in advertising [created and sold by Bernays], in popular magazines like Cosmopolitan [which Bernays was a consultant to]. The modern idea of interlocking promotions is at least 85 years old...

I guess what intrigues me the most about Edward Bernays is that, after creating most of the modern advertising culture we live in, he disappeared into the background, and is virtually unknown today. Well worth a few minutes of your time to watch the video hyperlinked above [besides, American Idol has only been on one night, and already I'm bored! Can't we just move along to Hollywood? Please?].

-Mike Riley

Science For The Home

While looking in at Yahoo! this morning ['bout 12:30 am, EST, to be accurate], I found the following: "Hobbyists experimenting with genetic engineering at home". Now students, for five extra points on your next pop quiz, can anyone tell me what might be wrong with this scenario? Anybody? What the Hell is wrong with you people? If this isn't a recipe for disaster, I'd like to know what is!

Granted, several marvelous things have come out of so-called "hobbyist" experiments, as the article points out [To their list I'd add the invention of disposable razor blades, vulcanized rubber, and the beginnings of the chewing gum industry. Those last two have more in common than you'd like to know, especially fans of Juicy Fruit. But I digress...]. But stacked up against those triumphs is the dismal record of other science dilettantes, at least in fiction. Consider Dr. Victor Frankenstein, the actual namesake of Mary Shelley's book [his constructed man, it should be pointed out, is referred to as "the Creature" throughout the story]. Now, the not-so-good doctor was actually experimenting in neurology [any competent plumber of the era could have worked out how to re-connect the blood and digestive systems, but even today, with exponentially greater knowledge of the human body, nerve repair is at best in the primitive stages], but the results of his labors do not bode well for the budding Home Scientist Movement.

Those of you out there who mis-spent part [or most] of your youth in reading comic books [no, NOT "Archie" ; by the way, did you know Arch, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, even Reggie, all have their own blogs at the company's web site? Almost makes me wish I'd taken up another form of expression] have certainly seen the dangerous effects of Home Science. How many villains, monsters, etc have been created by a scientific exploration gone awry? More than we can count, I fear. For those unable to read, consider programs like Dexter's Laboratory, or Johnny Test. Even the socio-political experiments of The Brain, in Pinky and The Brain, fail to give us much hope for the results.

Another potential puzzler; what if some of these scientific experiments pan out? Consider the case of Tom Dempsey, the first of only two players to kick a 63-yard field goal in a National Football League game. Careful perusers of the clip linked to above will note that Dempsey's kicking shoe is unusually shaped [a clearer look at his shoe is here. He was born without toes on his kicking foot, and so adopted a shoe with a broader striking surface. The debate over whether the odd shoe gave him an advantage over other kickers led to a rule change that forced future "toeless" kickers to wear traditional-shaped shoes on their kicking feet. The change came into effect just before Dempsey became a member of my beloved Buffalo Bills, and likely led to a drop-off in his kicking distance, and, probably not coincidentally, an end to his career. The Bills have no luck whatever...] If chance could give a kicker an [at least perceived] unfair advantage, what if some clever boyo throws some DNA in his or her handy Cuisinart, and creates an individual with giant arms? Great for passers, or receivers. How about humongous legs? Imagine running backs with pegs three or four times the size of a regular human. Better yet, imagine the lawsuits that will ensue if one of these genetically-altered behemoths demands the right to play. Great for lawyers; for the sport, not so good.

A final thought: I truly believe we need more, and better, teaching of science-related subjects [English, too, please] in our schools, but any parents who bought their children science lab kits for the holidays based on the positive image of scientists on TV in recent years are Just Asking For Trouble.

-Mike Riley

"Video Of The Week" - SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION!

As I post this, it's very early on the morning of December 24th. Outside my studio window at work, a mix of rain and snow falls, reflecting the street lights, and turning the sky a mellow gold [the sleet/ice mix is going to make getting home after work a SPECIAL joy]. To paraphrase that James Stewart movie, it's a pretty decent existence, concidering.

As promised, here are a few holiday videos for your entertainment pleasure. I wanterd to hook up with the "Video Yule Log" people, but they wanted MONEY, and regular readers of this space know I am waaaaay cheap.

First up, U2's take on the Emerson, Lake and Palmer classic, "I Believe In Father Christmas":


Next up, from our Office Of People With Entirely Too Much Time On Their Hands, a rather spectacular Christmas lights display. The music, in case you're wondering, is from the Trans Siberian Orchestra:





You may have wondered how Santa and the reindeers fill in the time between Christmas visits. Well, I have it on very good authority that karaoke is somehow involved:

There are many great Christmas TV specials, but I've always enjoyed "A Charliec Brown Christmas":

And no Christmas is complete without Bing:


To those who stop by periodically, and even those few who are regular readers, on behalf of TheWomanILove, the Boys, and of course, myself, wishes for the merriest of Christmases, and the Happiest of New Years!

-Mike Riley

The Human Drama Of Athletic Competition...

Sometimes, I find a piece of video that has no relationship with anything I plan to write, but that I just want to include. Case in point:





In case I don't get back here before YOUR seasonal celebration of choice, please have the best of the holiday season! Unless something moves me to write, I don't plan to be back before December 26th. But check in periodically; I do have a few "Video of The Week" specials to include. Look for 'em...

-Mike Riley

Eating Like A Genius

With all the parties, dinners, and what-not that go on this time of year, you, as was I, may be surprised to learn that December is only the sixth-busiest month of the year for eating out [according to the National Restaurant Association, which reports August is the busiest month. I guess people really don't like working in a hot kitchen].

I would guess that what time of year is the busiest for restaurants varies from place to place. In Scandinavia, for instance, December is probably near the top for diners, what with the two Nobel Prize banquets [the main one held in Stockholm, Sweden, with a satellite meal served in Oslo, Norway for the Peace laureate]. The Stockholm affair [which might have been the name of an episode of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.] serves some thirteen hundred guests, in a cavernous room inside Stockholm's City Hall [This room, although called the "blue" room, is actually a brick red. The ways of ancient cultures far surpass the understanding of younger nations, like the US] .

I wish I could tell you what was served[the 2008 dinner was presented Wednesday night, December 10th, the anniversary of Nobel's death. Seems like a bummer to me, commemorating a man's death with a banquet. Why can't they have it in June, when, I'm led to believe, Stockholm is resplendent in Spring colors? ], but that information is guarded as closely as the Launch codes for America's I.C.B.M.'s [Left-23, Right- one full turn past 23 to 19, Left - 6, in case you were wondering]. Thanks to an informative article in the current issue of The Scientist, I can report that the first course served to the 2007 Laureates featured lobster bits inside a circle of aspic, a disc of dill-baked halibut covered in a dome of fish roe, and apple salad, served with a "Nobel roll" [if this isn't a marketing deal waiting to happen for the Nobel Foundation, I don't know what is! Then again, it seems like the Nobel Foundation isn't suffering any "cash flow" issues. Although its finances are not public knowledge, it's believed the Foundation is sitting on a fund worth billions of US dollars. They probably aren't sweating the current recession...].

But the Foundation's solid resources do mean that the dinners served each year are, in a word, spectacular. Tastes change, of course: in the 1920's, turtle soup was frequently on the bill of fare, an item which might raise a few eyebrows today [are we far off from an all-vegetarian Nobel banquet? I think if Pamela Anderson would agree to attend, a deal could be worked out.]. But [another surprise], for about 200 US dollars per person, a restaurant located just below the "blue" room [see above] will recreate any Nobel banquet menu. A spokesman for the service says that people frequently enjoy meals served to their countrymen the year they were awarded the Nobel prize [Actually, as such gimmicks go, kind of charming, and probably more healthy than re-creating the pre-game meal before a typical Super Bowl game].

I've always been a bit curious about the Nobel Prizes; how do they decide who is honored, for instance. Is it like the Oscars, where blue-ribbon panels select a short list of nominees, then open their results to a vote? Or is it based on the Emmy [US television awards] model: anyone can nominate a candidate, then expert judges decide the winner? I'm pretty sure it's not set up like the "People's Choice Awards"; if it were, the person who invented the "Ov Glove" would have a Nobel prize on his or her mantelpiece.

Actually, the whole Nobel Prize arrangement is fascinating. Legend has it that a premature rumor about Alfred Nobel's death led to the publication of his obituary. In it, the write called Nobel "the merchant of death", owing to his invention of dynamite, and criticized dynamite for allowing more people to be killed more quickly than any previous invention. Nobel, so the story goes, was so disturbed by the whole thing that he immediately re-wrote his will to set up the Nobel Prizes [that will, by the bye, was so convoluted that it took a few years to set up the Foundation and its awards. There is still some debate over specific awards, disputing that Nobel's wishes have been truly honored.].

A tradition at the Masters golf tournament decrees that the previous year's winner selects the menu for the Winner's Banquet the next year. If I'm ever presented with a Nobel Prize [hey, sooner or later a blogger WILL win the literature award], and they ask my opinion, I'm recommending wither a Chinese food buffet, or take-out from KFC...

-Mike Riley