AFTER MIDNIGHT

A Less-Kind, Harsher America?

2011-03-16T02:14:00.005-04:00

I'm 53, and I'm nervous.

Not for the usual reasons, mind you. My hair started falling out when I was 14, so that's a long-lost battle. Terrorist attacks? Always a possibility, but so are sunspots, the odd mugging, or running into some of my former girlfriends. My physical health is lousy, but I've resigned myself to all that. Actually, a longer life is not high on my Wish List, for reasons that will become obvious in a few minutes.

This happened a day or two ago. I was at my neighborhood convenience store, picking up a few bottles of Diet Pepsi [the only vice I still have worthy of note]. Like many of these stores, the check-out people change regularly. I was waited on by a man in his mid-20's, seemingly nice enough. We got to talking, and the subject of the Japan earthquake/tsunami came up. "I feel bad for the people there", he said, "but putting nuclear power plants in a country that has earthquakes and tsunamis regularly seems like a really bad idea". I pointed out that this particular trembler was of a once-in-maybe-a-thousand-years magnitude. He was certainly sympathetic, but still maintained that Japan was just a bad place for nuclear plants. I did see his point, but did have to straighten him out when he added that whoever put New Orleans where it was wasn't very bright, either.

Now, here's my concern: this man was part of the group of people who'll likely be running the Nation in a generation or so. No matter the knowledge or education level of this group of leaders, they will be seeing a country filled with aging Baby Boomers, crushing his friends with entitlements that will almost certainly suck Social Security dry by the time they would be old enough to draw on it. In an earlier time, we Boomers would have made as much provision as we could do care for ourselves. But, like domesticated animals, we no longer know how to care for ourselves financially, or in any other sense of that term. In a very real way, we need the protections the government has put in place for us. The problem is, the younger generations do not have enough potential workers to keep the money train running.

You might see where this is going; the New Leaders, noting that the Boomers don't have the means to care for themselves, could very possibly choose to put us on the mid-to-late-21st Century equivalent of an ice flow. And I don't care how patriotic they can make that act sound! I've lived my whole life in the Northern United States; when I die, I want to die somewhere warm, at the very least indoors.

A message to my fellow Boomers: be afraid. Be very afraid...

-Mike Riley

this is the dawning of the age of...what?

2011-01-14T04:50:00.006-05:00

On my list of "usually harmless hokum", one of the top spots is reserved for astrology. Reputedly created in ancient Babylonia, it uses an analysis of the relative position of certain stars in the sky to predict the future. I suppose it's no more inaccurate a system than the casting of rune sticks, or divination arising from a study of animal entrails., both of which have been accepted means of prediction in history.

The main problem with the zodiac today is that the relative position of the stars has moved since the original charting, about the distance of one whole sign, according to some estimates. Obviously some adjustment was needed. But what to do?

Meet Ophiuchus [symbol, or one suggested symbol, anyway, at right]. One of three dozen possible constellations postulated by the Babylonian wiseguys...sorry, wise men, it has become championed by astrologer Parke Kunkle, who recently noted that the new sign's influence on the existing Zodiac explains many previously mysterious events in history. The rise of Lady Gaga, for instance, as well as the otherwise inexplicable audience for How I Met Your Mother.

Understand, I have no real objection to the update; new nonsense for old hurts a nonsensical system not at all. For the record, I find more truth in the so-called Chinese "horoscope", based around 12 animals. In that system, I'm a Rooster, and a Rooster I prefer to remain.

-Mike Riley

...just what we need...the Fear Index...

2011-01-13T04:25:00.008-05:00

Having been born and raised in Buffalo, NY, and living now in the nearby city of Niagara Falls, there are two things I am expected to be an expert at: losing the championship of the National Football League [see Super Bowls XXV-XXVIII, inclusive], and snow.

While "the streak" is a matter of public record, Buffalo's rep as the Snow Capitol Of America might be a little mis-guided. No one in this area would deny that it snows a lot around here [just over 74 inches of the white stuff last winter]. But that 74.1 inches would be good only for seventh place on last winter's tote board. Buffalo wasn't even the most snow-covered spot in New York State; Syracuse, as it usually does, topped the State roster; it also finished first in the National Snow Bowl with a mind-boggling 106.1 inches of semi-solid precipitation [it's said the Innuit people of the Arctic have more than 200 words for snow. Why is there never an Innuit person available when you need one?].

The difference comes in the area of snow removal. Since the "perfect storm" Blizzard of 1977, blamed for the deaths of 23 people, Buffalo and its surrounding cities seem to have taken a vow that they will never be shut down again as they were in that season [Ironicaly, the average amount of snow that fell was only about a foot, an unusually high amount for one storm, but by no means as crippling in itself as this blizzard turned out to be. The difference was the strong winds that built up drifts as high as three feet in more than a few locations.].

If you were one of many thousands stranded by last month's storm, or are currently cooling your heels in an airport hundreds of miles from where you want to be, curse the lack of equipment and training most airports have. Buffalo's is equipped with state-of-the-art plows and other specialized devices. Airport staffs from around the world come in during storms to watch the Buffalo crew clean up [and presumably, to take notes].

This got me thinking; because of the Blizzard of '77, the Buffalo area has committed large amounts of money to ensure quick snow clearance. Other areas, I would guess, make preparations based on the difficulties they most fear: I would think San Francisco, for example, spends large amounts on earthquake preparedness, while Florida would probably spend heavily on hurricane cleanup equipment and training. It would be a simple mathematic process [not for me, for real statiticians] to calculate what frightens any area in the world by figuring out which area of disaster preparation it spends the most on, exclusive of police and fire prevention and extinguishing [although both would likely enter into a community's disaster preparation expenses]. Anyone interested in finding out the paranoia triggers in their local is free to use this concept, without credit to me [as a matter of fact, the less you mention me in this process, the better]. The only thing I would ask is that the title The Fear Index be used for this process. Let's at least keep the name simple and explanatory...

-Mike Riley

An idea whose time has come...again?

2010-12-17T02:46:00.008-05:00

"Tax the rich, feed the poor/Till there are no poor no more"
-"I'd Love to Change The World"; Alvin Lee

I am not a political person, nor am I a fiscal expert. But sometimes someone suggests a course of action that just makes sense. Case in point: if you click on the football picture in the right-hand column of the blog, you will be taken to this site, a recent column by Dr. Michael I. Niman from the weekly newspaper Artvoice. Let it be noted that his "official" fields of expertise are in journalism and media studies. That said, it doesn't take a degree in economics to see that the present system of taxation in the US does not work.

Understand, I have no grievance with the rich, especially those who have worked to achieve their level of success. But the rich of previous generations understood that they needed to bear a much greater tax burden than those in the lower- and middle-classes. Indeed, their acceptance of the principle allowed a strong middle class to form in this country, as well as allowing vital protections for the lower classes.

Google "tax the rich", and you will find many articles, taking one side or the other on the issue. My finance-impaired brain has tried working through as many of them as I can, and I have yet to find an argument against taxing the rich compelling as those in favor of increasing tax rates for the wealthiest Americans. I am particularly in agreement with one of Niman's points: since many of the legal functions of the nation protect the assets of the wealthy, it is in their best interests to help support that system through increased taxation.

Taking one person's opinion as gospel is always a dangerous act. So go ahead and research the idea for yourself. I believe you will come to the same conclusion as I have; we need to tax the rich at a higher rate than currently assessed. The Tea Party came to its current level of influence through grassroots involvement from many people. If you believe that America needs to again "tax the rich", please get involved, if only to tell your friends to read this blog, or research the question for themselves. Sitting on the sidelines could prove fatal to the America most of us believe is our nation at its best.

-Mike Riley

Hard Sell

2010-12-10T03:41:00.010-05:00

As someone who considers himself a good American, I believe a first-time voter should affiliate with a political party;your prejudices concerning the political system need to start somewhere. Growing up in the time and place I did, becoming a Democrat was almost inevitable. So I became, and have remained, a member of the Dems for around 30 years now.

Please understand, though, that my affiliation does not include a financial commitment to the future success of the party. Number 1, joining the Democrats is usually not the first step to wealth and prosperity. Not at the level I'd be at, anyway. Number 2, it's not like the Democrats, on those rare occasions they've been in power in Washington, have made any tangible effort to leave me better off. Besides, it's one thing to support a party's stance on issues. But you don't want to encourage them.

So what am I to make of an e-mail I received from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee this week, explaining that the party still has hopes of shoring up the results of November's Republican tidal wave at election time, but only if I cough up a few bucks to help out {I don't know who's coughing up the bucks to help me out, but my hopes are frankly set low}.

Let it be said, though, that the Democrats do pay attention to the world around them. Noting how much money PBS takes in by offering little more than beads and trinkets at exorbitant rates, the DCCC has opened something it calls "My Democratic Store", soliciting donations in exchange for, well, why don't I just show you some of them [please believe me, these are actual items from the "Store". I'm not clever enough to make this up]?

Exhibit 1; an autographed copy of [soon-to-be] former Speaker Of The House Nancy Pelosi's book, Know Your Power. Given the Democrats' failures at such relatively simple tasks as passing legislation when they held both Houses of Congress and the White House, what any of them, and especially Pelosi, knows about power is uncertain at best. For a somewhat lower price, you can get an un-signed version of the book [I hate to bash my home town of Buffalo, NY, but the situation reminds me of the contest someone held once; first prize was a week in Buffalo.

Second prize was two weeks, and Third place had to stay all month. My apologies to Buffalonians everywhere].

Staying with Pelosi-oriented memorabilia, how about a three-gallon popcorn tin, celebrating Pelosi's two years as Speaker? Besides the fact that it resembles nothing so much as a trash can, one would note that an item like this is more kit ch than respectful collectible. It reminds me of all those "collectibles" made in England any time one of the Royals marry [If you want even a percentage of all the Prince William and Kate items eventually coming to market, you'd better start shopping now.

Just about everyone in the room recognizes this item, I trust; an exact replica of the "onesies" worn by classic newspaper comic strip star "Li'l Dem" [reading this strip as a child is just one more reason I became a Democrat]. Or am I just mixing this up with the Yellow Kid?

I don't know; I'm hopeful that the Party can find its financial footing without assessing members dues. But knowing how much trouble the Buffalo Bills Team Store is having getting rid of jerseys from ex-players Terrell Owens and Trent Edwards, just to name two, I'm not optimistic.

Happy Holidays, btw...

-Mike Riley

Bloggers Unite For Haiti [But We're Wasting Our Time]

2010-01-18T01:03:00.009-05:00

When I came here to write this post, I saw that my last collection of mutterings were about Human Rights Day. Nothing wrong with that, of course; the struggle for human rights, unfortunately, is, and probably always will be ongoing, in one form or another. Still, there are many issues under a topic like that, and plenty of opportunity for a blogger worth her/his salt to fill space in a way that Could Actually Make A Difference.

That noted, WHY IN HELL ARE WE BLOGGING ABOUT A DISASTER SO CATACLYSMIC THAT IT ACTUALLY HAS MADE THE POOREST NATION IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE WORSE? I mean, come on, people! The news media of the world have sent their best reporters, photographers and commentators [where these people were when Haiti was running up an 80% poverty rate is a question these news organizations should ask themselves when this is all over]: stories, reports and images are across every possible information source [so much so, in fact, I'm not even taking time to add them here; if you want to know, you know - if you don't care, nothing anyone presents is going to matter].

The point is, we know. We've seen the destruction. The bodies in the streets [one Haitian official, asked early on for a death toll estimate, started at 50,000. He then went up to a half-million. Let that number roll around your brain for a minute. Then he got to what probably was the only real answer: nobody knows. And honestly, nobody probably ever will...]. The physical and societal infrastructure flattened. We know. Either we do something, or we don't.

If your answer is: we don't, thanks for reading this far. You may as well head elsewhere, though; there's nothing else for you here today. If your answer is: we do, the American Red Cross is a good place to start [if you live outside the US, your local Red Crescent/Red Cross are reliable places to donate money. And, if I understand this right, money donations are the best way to help. Apparently, relief agencies, whenever possible, purchase needed supplies as close to the site of the disaster as possible. It helps the economy of the devastated country by putting money into circulation]. In some areas, banks, stores, and other businesses are taking donations [just be careful that the location you choose is legitimate; scammed money helps no one but the scammer]. On the right side of this blog page, you'll find a link badge for the group Doctors Without Borders, a group I've personally admired and respected since I first heard of them. Please consider them at donation time.

I don't really think you needed this commentary to get you to do what's needed. But, if it was helpful, I'm glad. This is one time we need fewer bloggers and more contributors...

-MR

An Open Letter To The World - Human Rights Day 2009

2009-12-09T22:55:00.033-05:00

10 December, 2009

Dear Fellow Humans-

Have you ever felt overrun by mixed emotions? That's where I'm at as I write to you. Today, as many of you know, is Human Rights Day, set aside by the UN to commemorate the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, ratified this day in 1948. This document was created in the wake of a World War that saw millions of persons killed because of religious, ethnic, racial, or societal distinctions, and millions more oppressed for the same reasons [some of which happened right here in the US]. The Universal Declaration simply and clearly lists the basic rights of every human being.

Now I know that some nations ignore rights that most of the world take for granted. Bloggers around the world, no doubt, will report on individuals who have been jailed, for years, for the simple act of sending an e-mail [China]. Or, perhaps, some will write about religion-based oppression of woman [Afghanistan]. Still others will note police violence against innocent citizens [Brazil], or oppressive laws that deny freedom of sexuality [Lithuania]. But I've got to be really honest here. As much as I am discouraged and disheartened by these human rights violations, I am somewhat jealous of these nations as well. Each one of them; indeed, virtually every civilized nation on Earth, has something that I, as an American, am denied - access to free, government-funded, health care.

If you happen to have a copy of the Universal Declaration [if not, click on the link above], I draw your attention to Article 25. Quoting Heading 1: "Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care..."[emphasis mine]. The United States is one of many signatories of the Universal Declaration. But it stands out like a sore thumb when it comes to its disregard of this Article. Health care "reform" has been one of the major themes of the almost-ended political year here. But, as our associates at Amnesty International [one of today's sponsors] point out, the "new and improved" health care plan does little to address several major deficiencies.

I guess I would feel better about the American system if it got results. But it doesn't. While spending more money than any other nation, the US ranked 37th in the most-recent World Health Organization's rating of health-care quality [among the nations having better results: Canada, the UK, Oman, Cypress, the United Arab Emirates, and Morocco]. Even those "fortunate" enough to have health insurance are frequently beggared by payment of premiums, fees, etc [including Your Friendly Letterwriter].

Maybe it's just me, but until America has its own house in order, perhaps we should have a moratorium on intervention [critical or otherwise] of anybody else. Hey, oppression is bad [we all get that]; but, as Martin Luther King, Jr. noted, "Of all the forms of inequality, injustice in health care is the most shocking and inhumane".

-Mike Riley

Messing With A Classic

2009-12-04T01:39:00.036-05:00

Taking on a classic is always difficult, frequently provocative, and sometimes just plain wrong. Take the example at left - Marcel Duchamp's LHOOQ [pronouncing the letters approximates a French phrase implying a portion of Mona Lisa's anatomy (not visible in the painting) is worthy of note]. Note, also, the moustache and goatee modeled by La Gioconda; it just makes me think of Jim Croce's advice of what not to do with "Big Jim" in one of his songs. Then again, dadaist Duchamp had no objection to provoking his audience [the degree of difficulty, it should be pointed out, was low: Duchamp had only to scribble his changes on a cheap postcard reproduction. He worked much hard on another of his notorious "readymades"; the piece he titled Fountain ]. But what about those whose patronage depends on public approval?

Consider the good folks that make Sun-Maid products, most notably raisins. Since the early years of the last century, their trademarked icon was a young girl, reputedly spotted drying her long black hair in a California yard. Sure, she was "updated" a few times in the 20TH Century; each time, though, the final image was undeniably that of the young girl.

Then, around three years ago, Sun-Maid decided on a major re-imaging: "Sun-Maid Girl" [she has no name currently, but may eventually get one] was aged about 10 - 15 years, put on a strict diet [too much baby fat in the original], and is now usually pictured at work in the fields [instead of in a moment of repose]. The people at Sun-Maid probably expected a little publicity with the change [after all, it had worked for Betty Crocker and the Morton Salt Girl]; instead, the change went virtually unknown until recent weeks, when it has become the object of derision and [seemingly] bad-natured humor [some critics call the new look "a Barbie doll in Amish attire". In fairness to Sun-Maid, I live near Amish country, and no decent Amish woman would wear red like the Sun-Maid Hussy does].

Looking at the whole Sun-Maid "redo" [noted in this link-packed Yahoo! feature], the obvious question is, Why? Sure, Aunt Jemima needed [and got] her racially-awkward "baggage" removed [as have Uncle Ben and the Cream of Wheat "Chef", although their modernization was less spectacular than "AJ's"; that said, when was the last time you heard the Cream of Wheat Chef referred to by his traditional name of "Rastus"?]. But Sun-Maid Girl [maybe she should have become a super-hero, her feats of strength and skill fuelled by eating raisins] seemingly had no baggage, no issues that needed correcting. So why change? [At the time. a Sun-Maid official noted it was a good time to get on the "health" bandwagon. Some bandwagons have slippery floors...]

Still, it could have been worse for Sun-Maid: original plans called for the new Sun-Maid "Girl" [I think the new image should be known as "Sun-Maid Woman"; she seems a bit long in the tooth for "Girl" status] to appear in a series of commercials, showing her at the spa, grocery shopping, etc, all made easier by the energy derived from those raisins. Rumor has it that she may become multi-lingual, reflecting the diversity of the nations where Sun-Maid grows its products [a lovely gesture, don't get me wrong. But wouldn't it be better for Sun-Maid Woman to monitor the practices of the companies that grow, harvest, and sell the produce she eats, and to speak out against any questionable actions along the food chain? I may be wrong, but the image of Sun-Maid's animated icon speaking publicly against the corporation that supplies her computer-generated living would be attention-getting, to say the least].

BTB, I'm kicking around re-writing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Maybe changing the Third Movement to a rumba. Waddya think?

-Mike Riley

PS: More "Messing With A Classic" here...-MR

Ponzi, and other, schemes

2009-11-13T01:14:00.035-05:00

The debate continues as to whether or not Bernie Madoff's $64.8 billion scam is the largest in American [or world, for that matter] history. That said, no one seems to be in any hurry to rename the type of fraud Madoff allegedly perpetrated in his "honor". For the foreseeable future, anyway, it looks like it will keep its current name of "Ponzi scheme", from its first notable operator, Charles Ponzi [left].

It's a little surprising that Madoff was able to play his game as long and as large as he did; in addition to the classic Ponzi case [this explanation, from the Mental Floss web site, is the best I've seen], more than a few others tried the operation, to varying degrees of success, before its revival in the new millennium by Madoff [here's a list from Wikipedia that includes a few of them]. You'd think that at least some of the investors would know better.

And it's not even as if Ponzi invented the whole thing in the first place. Wikipedia's article on Ponzi schemes notes that Charles Dickens, of all people, wrote about such a scheme in his 1857 novel Little Dorrit [there is, incidentally, no evidence that Dickens ever actually carried out a Ponzi scheme. He did use a ploy common to many authors until fairly recent times; namely, selling subscriptions to upcoming books. The money taken in was used to help support the writer until the work was completed, or to defray publishing costs. In exchange, the author would usually include a list of subscribers in the first edition of the book, as a sort of "dedication". Dickens was said to play the "subscription game" better than most, reputedly delaying the release of new works until the optimum amount of subscription money was collected. He is also credited with the practice of releasing books by chapters, forcing the reader to keep buying new segments until the work was complete (and probably paying more in the process than if the book had come out whole).].

It should be noted here that Ponzi schemes are not limited to unscrupulous individuals or groups. Consider this article from CNNMoney.com, via Yahoo!. In looking at the ten US states suffering the worst in the current economic crisis, it notes that two [Nevada and Florida] are hurting because of a lack of new "players" [businesses and residents, respectively]. Is it just me, or are these two states running a Ponzi? What if the Federal government steps in to prop them up? (Logic tells us that investing in a Ponzi scheme, even in the late stages, should be profitable, if Government intervention leads to compensation of investors) Should bad behavior, even if necessitated by selfish state residents who consistently have refused to allow tax increases, be rewarded? Just asking...

A personal note: I live in what may be the most-economically-challenged corner [Niagara Falls] of the most-economically-challenged region of New York State [Western New York]. In one of my other blogs [Challenging The Thunder; why not stop in?], I look at the history of Niagara Falls daredevils, stunters who have attempted to go over the Falls in a barrel, or [in one disastrous case] a kayak [Yeah. Really. This guy was nuts. Plunging in a barrel makes a lot more sense. It really does. Trust me on this one]. Although both the US and Canada now make every effort to stop potential feats of daring before they turn tragic, it was not always so. Some early challenges were actually sponsored by local merchants, and at least condoned, if not welcomed, by authorities. Maybe it's time to return to that mindset. Hey, as long as the daredevil signs a document freeing the Government from any legal responsibility for his or her demise [which, of course, means all such stunters would have to be over the age of 18], why not? Tourism has been down on both sides of the border the last year or two; maybe the prospect of imminent death would draw a crowd. It works for auto racing. Let me do some math here...okay, the combined width of the American and Canadian Falls is around 33-hundred feet. okay, what's the record distance for a motorcycle jump? 395 feet, last time I checked. Alright, a rocket-powered motorcycle might be able to do it [don't laugh: someone once tried to ride a rocket-powered jet-ski the width of both Falls. Probably would have made it, too, except that his safety parachute failed to open. Sources disagree on whether his body was ever found; either way, it probably wasn't pretty...]. Okay, rocket-powered motorcycle, back-up parachute...wait, we can't do it....

...it's a Fonzie scheme.

-Mike Riley

Blog Action Day - So Many People In The Same Device

2009-10-14T22:00:00.001-04:00

I am by no means the oldest blogger in the world, but, being in my 50's, I think I have a different perspective than the typical poster. For instance, I'm actually old enough to remember an era when music recordings were stored in analogue form, on vinyl discs [okay, most of you probably know about vinyl. The progressives among you may even own an example or two]!

I remember 1975's release of the self-titled debut from Ambrosia. One of its tracks featured the group putting music to lyrics Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. wrote for his book Cat's Cradle. The song was "Nice Nice Very Nice" [lyrics here]; its theme, the interconnectedness of life.

Of course, interconnection can be good, bad, or, as frequently happens, both. Take India's Kasmir glaciers. They serve as water sources for millions of people who live in the region. Unfortunately, because of the planetary warming caused by climate change, the glaciers are melting too quickly. The anti-poverty group ActionAid has noted that most of the glaciers in the area [the waters shared by India and Pakistan] have shrunk dramatically. The group adds that rain and snow fall have been affected in many areas worldwide by climate change; the changes have reduced food production in many regions of the world. Thus, the Kasmir crisis is being repeated many times over, frequently in areas that were having trouble feeding their populations even before climate change.

We live on a planet that is virally interconnected; the latest Michael Jackson news, reported in Los Angeles, becomes headline fodder for London, Caracas, or Sydney in seconds. While it's certainly good to have multi-national communications, there are downsides. People in underdeveloped countries get glimpses of the industrialized world, and aspire to be a part. Consumerism drives countries to demolish their precious eco-structures, to free up more land for industry and resources. In the world of the "haves", consumption and pollution run rampant. It makes me think that the bravest person ever has yet to make an appearance. We'll know who it is when the first prominent politician in the developed world suggests the possibility that people may need to do with less - less electricity to power fewer "toys", less petroleum to fuel cars, less opportunity to waste the finite resources of Planet Earth.

This is the part where some clever person stands, delivers a brilliant idea, then lets his or her suggestion become the basis of a plan that saves the world. Sorry. If you picked this blog for Inspired Wisdom, you're obviously not a regular reader. All I can do on this Blog Action Day is what many of my colleagues are trying to do; open up the discussion, ask what we hope are the right questions, and sincerely ask Who- or What-Ever It Is We Worship for someone with the right answers.

Hopefully, this isn't the only Blog Action Day-themed post you encounter today. Read as many of them as you can; if nothing else, be aware of the breadth of the problem of climate change. Comment, if you're so moved. A healthy conversation among the peoples of the world is the first step to a solution. If you want to learn more, do some research [you do have Google on that computer, don't you?]. More to the point, don't let your interest end today. Keep your political leaders' "feet to the fire" on this one - it really is a matter of life and death.

-Mike Riley

Is there something to "The Twinkie Defense" after all?

2009-10-05T02:04:00.026-04:00

First of all, I'm assuming we all know what's meant by "The Twinkie Defense" [if unaware, please click on the hyperlink; it not only explains the term, it debunks the myth that it was successfully used in the case that first brought the term to national attention].

Anyway, the Twinkie Defense [hereafter TD] is based on the theory that too much processed foods, especially sugar, can cloud your mind, rendering it incapable of rational thought. Although thoroughly discredited in the Dan White prosecution, Science may have just jumped the gun on its conclusions.

A study in Britain has thrown out the proposition that giving children too many treats may turn them into violent adults. We're not talking about the children being violently ill from a less-than-nutritious diet; this is the kind of acting-out violence most demonstrated in the UK by their beloved soccer hooligans. Well, at least most of them can sing...

Actually, this theorem seems to have a healthy dose of evidence behind it. Senior lecturer Simon Moore discovered, while doing research on violent British children, that kids who were most likely to committ violent crimes as adults had the worst diets in childhood.

Moore took his research a step further, using the results of a massive study of English people born during a certain week in 1970. By chance, the survey asked the subjects at the age of ten if they ate candy daily; at age 34, they were asked if had ever been convicted of a crime. A stunning 69 percent of regular candy-eaters had at least one conviction by age 34, versus 42% results from those who weren't. Next, Moore eliminated various factors: parenting styles, financial levels, even location [urban/rural]. The numbers remained steady.

Simon Moore says there are several possible reasons for his results, and that all should be looked into:

- are there certain compounds in sweets that cause this behavior? Well, perhaps. A further question would be "were candy manufacturers aware of this, and hid the information?" If so, shouldn't someone sieze Willy Wonka's passport, post haste? [If there's a bigger flight risk than him, I'd like to meet 'em]

- is excessive candy eating an indicator of possible future problems? For what it's worth, Moore leans towards this theorem; he believes that kids who got daily treats may not develop the patience needed to delay gratification [see A Clockwork Orange. But not on a full stomach]. This, the theory goes, leads to impulsiveness [a key factor in violent acts, according to Moore]. Another possibility suggested by this, says Moore, is that evil children get more candy, just to keep them calm. And are you keeping your porch light on this Halloween? They can't all move out of state...

- were British children born that week just more toxic than the usual run?

Always a possibility. Never eliminate random chance from the Human Equation.

- is this true only in England? Combine the American obesity epidemic with the increase in violent acts. Then do the math...

-are there any solutions? Four words: A Generation Of Supernannies [in whatever language is required]!

- Mike Riley

Sinister Musings

2009-09-24T00:40:00.031-04:00

Okay, I'm back. My favorite writer, Dorothy Parker, was an expert at writing explanations for her frequent disappearances from the Public Eye [she once covered up a two-year gap in writing for The New Yorker by claiming she had spent the time in Switzerland!]. I wouldn't even pretend to be able to come up with a story like that [though anyone who spent the summer in Niagara Falls, NY and thinks they saw me may be onto something. Then again, I live there...], so just accept my return, ok? Think of me as the less-than-acceptable uncle, fresh from drying out after an extended bender. It's as good a story as any...

It's probably safe to assume that, from Time Immemorial, there have been left-handed persons. Not that this was always a good thing. From the Latin word for left, sinistra, modern English derives the word sinister. Classical Latin, for what it's worth, frequently used "sinestra" to mean "evil" or "unlucky". Some traditions in the early Christian church, for instance, claim that Judas, the disciple who betrayed Christ, was left-handed. Nowadays, though, left-handedness is just considered a characteristic of anatomy, one shared by around ten percent of humanity [If you'd like a truly intriguing time-waster, check out this listing of notable left-handers. For those not fully comfortable in English, the page is available in Spanish, French and pig Latin! Grad students have way too much time on their hands...]. Famous lefties, for what it's worth, include Joan of Arc, Julius Caesar [wonder if anyone had the "stones" to call him "sinister" to his face? Besides Brutus, of course...], and W. C. Fields.

Kermit The Frog is believed to be left-handed [as was his creator, Jim Henson], as are Bart Simpson and Ned Flanders [and their creator, Matt Groening]. Left-handed artists run the gamut from Michelangelo and DaVinci to M. C. Esher and LeRoy Neiman. Musicians? Sir Paul McCartney, for one [also, reputedly, Ringo Starr]; add David Byrne, Cole Porter, Paul Simon, and Carl Phillip Emanuel Bach, among many, many others [I won't even mention any of the notable left-handed athletes].

There is an interesting belief in present times; namely, left-handers are believed to be more intelligent or creative than their right-handed brethren. Believers in this theory [probably lefties, but I digress] point to the fact that eight of the 44 US Presidents have been southpaws [including current office-holder Barack Obama. Then again, both he and principal challenger John McCain are lefties, so that one was a pretty safe bet]. I'm staying out of this debate, except to note the list includes James A. Garfield, whose sole notable act as President was to die about a month after taking office [reputedly due to attending his Inaugural festivities, on a rainy day, without a hat or coat, and contracting fatal pneumonia. Not the brightest crayon in the box...].

So why am I bringing all this up? Big news for left-handed men; namely, a re-design of the classic "y-front" male underwear [Underwear. Another great topic, Mikey. What a fabulous re-start for this blog...]. Having family and friends who are lefties [including one of my brothers], I can see the excitement this would cause. I must confess, though, I've never heard any left-handers complaining about this problem; then again, they may all wear boxers...

Anyway, it's good to be back. Hope you missed me...

-Mike Riley

P. S.: Bloggers, please scroll down the right side of this page, and click on the "Blog Action Day" badge. We need mass action on this one, people!

Time Out...

2009-07-06T23:31:00.004-04:00

It is with great regret that I must take a break from writing this blog. I have several personal matters to attend to, which will consume the vast majority of the time I used to spend writing it. As of now, I hope to return to blogging, in one form or another, in January of 2010.

I want to thank my readers and commentors for their friendship and insights. So that none of you will worry, please understand that my health is good. I just need to devote my full attention to these "off-stage" matters.

My intention is to leave the previously written posts up, for those who may not have yet read them.Entrecard advertisers: please be aware that I am taking no new ads. Any ads that I have already agreed to use will be presented as scheduled. I intend to leave the EC widget up, but EC may remove it because of no new posts.

Again, with regrets, I declare INTERMISSION. Smoke 'em if you got 'em...

-Mike Riley

The carnival is open...where the Hell am I?

2009-07-02T23:33:00.004-04:00

It's been one of those weeks...I expected to have a "Can-Am Celebration!" post up here by yesterday...obviously, that hasn't happened. Sincere apologies to all of you who were waiting for it [all right, you weren't waiting all that strenuously for it], and a special bit of gratitude to those of you who are in on the extravaganza. I'll be here for real Saturday morning...'till then, enjoy the holiday weekend

-Mike Riley

Requium For A Thriller

2009-06-25T23:40:00.003-04:00

"It's close to midnight..."

...actually, around 11:30 pm in the Eastern United States, where I write from. Michael Jackson passed from this world a little less than six hours ago. Already, the culture vultures are descending; a mob scene formed around the Los Angeles hospital where he was brought, and pronounced dead. Already, canny marketers are mounting tickets from his now never-to-be-presented 50-show tour on plaques, ready to be sold on e-Bay [as similarly quick-thinking people did when Elvis died]. Already, the circus has descended. Then again, was there ever time that Jackson's life wasn't a circus?

Child of a father who reputedly beat him, and from whom he was estranged as quickly as he could be. A major performer, in the Jackson 5 with his brothers, at a time most children are just learning multiplication and division. A superstar around the world before he was really mature enough to understand just what that would entail.For a time, he truly was what the hype named him - The King Of Pop. He could dance, he could write songs, he could help craft the videos that made him one of the indelible images of his heyday. And yeah, he could sing.

Of course, the life of an icon is never that simple. There were the continual rumors: the charges of child molestation [does anybody think that Jackson ever really understood that what he was doing was wrong? How much time had he ever spent in normal life to get that kind of context?]; the plastic surgeries; the skin condition that drove him to bleach himself [which led to another whole series of questions about his sense of racial identity]; the leaked stories about his bizarre lifestyle [how could he know what was normal?]; at the end of the day, he had no escape from "the beast about to strike". Fame is a brutal creature...

R.I.P, Jakko. Emphasis on peace...

-Mike Riley

Twenty Years Later...

2009-06-04T03:49:00.003-04:00

Sometimes, there's nothing more to add...

-Mike Riley

The Carnival Comes To Town!

2009-05-27T02:15:00.018-04:00

I've been posting at this here address for nigh onto three years now. Sometimes the ideas and words flow like maple syrup from the trees at the end of Winter. Other times, not so much. To keep it interesting for You, the Reader [as well as, let's be honest, Me the Writer], I've been known to play around with this blog from time to time; everything from different blog designs, to different 125 x 125 card designs. My personal favorite of all of this was my 100th post, the now-semi-remembered Blog Roast [celebrating my 100th post and, as these sort of things frequently work out, actually being my 101st; oh, fudge...]; the biggest disaster, without question, was the infamous "Iron Blogger" [this post, a few days after the whole thing fell apart, gives the key points fairly well. By the bye, I still think the idea of a posting event based on a last-minute topic is a good one. I may yet come back to it; perhaps a competition for the most coherent explanation of the current "Video Of The Week" (see below, at right)].

I've since learned that the "approved" way to get lots of bloggers to write on the same topic is to announce a "carnival" [in most churches, when a carnival is announced, the Men's Group runs the beer tent, while the Ladies' Auxiliary ends up cooking most of the food. Your organization may do things differently, so your mileage will almost certainly vary]. Actually, the announcement was made in April, at the Bloggers Unite site. To be honest, the response to date has been somewhat less than overwhelming. Counting my post on the topic, four bloggers are in on it.
I'm not sure why the response to date has been so small: I mean, I've posted event badges at the BU site [including the attractive design at left]. I've put badges on my other blog [which link to the above-mentioned info]. Is it because I'm not awarding prizes? I don't think so, I've seen more than a few such events that didn't, and yet have good response. No, it's not up there with "World AIDS Day", "Human Rights Day", or even "World Wide Knit In Public Day" [actually, based on my bus-riding experiences, EVERY DAY is Knit In Public Day]. Still, between the people who actually blog in Canada and the United States, people from other countries that have visited one or both nations [and probably have an uplifting, humorous, or upliftingly humorous story to relate], or people who dream of visiting the US or Canada, there should be seven. maybe eight or nine participants ["carnivalists"? "carnivores"?] chomping at the proverbial bit!

Anyway, that's the deal. Bloggers Unite members should sign up there; non-members can post links in the "Comment" section after my July 1st posting on the topic. The ticket booth is open, get in now, before we get in double figures [I wish!], and you'll have to wait in line behind the cranky family pictured at right [I swear I saw both parents hit a child on the side of the head, just before the placid-looking image over there was snapped!]. It's just going to be easier on all of us, o.k.?

-Mike Riley

McBreasts

2009-05-19T01:19:00.015-04:00

The Woman I Love and I went to Buffalo on business [dr. appt's] this morning. On the way, we saw a sign for a "gentleman's club"...

...no, not the gentleman's club pictured at right [if memory serves me right, one of the more famous clubs in 19th-Century London]...

...this kind of gentleman's club [for the unaware: "gentleman's club", in this context, refers to nightclubs where women strip down as far as local ordinances allow, then dance for an almost exclusively male audience. Not that there's anything wrong with that]. The sign referred to the club as being "world famous", and noted it would be open for business in a few months. Now, I'm not as "hip" as I once was, but I think this kind of situation is covered by the term "fail". "World famous" and "opening soon" don't seem to go together in the same sentence. When I pointed this out to TWIL, she said "Maybe it's a franchise".

A franchise? They franchise this sort of thing? Of course, the thought has crossed my mind before. Anyone who's been in more than one such place in a lifetime will note the similarities; poor lighting, over-priced drinks, [mostly] unenthusiastic "dancers" [for some reason, most of said performers around here are advertised as being "from Montreal". It turns out that I'd gone to grade school with a couple of them, and I certainly did not attend grade school anywhere in the Canadian province of Quebec], even the disinfectant [strawberry-scented] used to "freshen" the places seems the same from locale to locale.

I guess my next question is: where do they sell these franchises? Do they have a booth at traditional franchise fairs, sharing space with Mrs. Fields' cookies and Stanley Steemer carpet cleaning offers? Or does one have such a deal presented as an "opportunity" in the back room of such establishments? I'm really not looking [even if I were, who could afford such a business?], but I admit to a mildly-unhealthy curiosity about the whole thing.

Come to think of it, just what does one get with such a franchise? I know traditional franchises usually include a name, a list of "standards" that the franchisee is supposed to maintain, tips on operating the business, and generic advertising, which can then be tailored to the home city of the new operation. (I can just picture some of the advertising: "fine print" phrases like "Breast size is based on weight, not volume. Contents may have settled". Or headlines like, "You deserve the b[r]e[a]st!". Let's face it, it's 90 % of what most guys go to these places for.)

For what it's worth, my favorite story about "Gentleman's clubs" involves a certain establishment in Pittsburgh, PA during the 1950's. The owner, under the laws of the time, was not allowed to open on Sundays. One Sunday, he noticed that a local TV station was running old short films featuring the Three Stooges. He found that the old films were quite popular, especially with children. Inspired, he brought the Stooges to the Steel City, featuring them in Sunday afternoon shows that were open to families. He is said to have made a fortune, and the appearances were instrumental in reviving the Stooges' career. In another surprise, did you know that one of the "Stooges" who replaced Curly Howard actually had a "no touch" clause in his contract? Moe and Larry could gesture towards him, abuse him verbally, but no touching! A "Stooge" you couldn't hit? That's like a gentleman's club without...well, you know.

-Mike Riley

"He really oozed machismo on that double axle, Dick"

2009-05-04T02:22:00.026-04:00

[Long-time followers of professional wrestling will probably remember the reference to Razor Ramon, one of several personas used by Scott Hall during his long and troubled career. As Ramon, he was said to "ooze machismo". Personally, I think he just needed a shampoo with a better pH balance.] But what brings up the allusion to RR is not an examination of such traditionally "manly" pursuits as wrestling [and, please, let's not open up that closet!], but the athletic event known as...

...men's figure skating. Yeah, figure skating. It all started with some discussions by Skate Canada, which, as the principal figure skating organization north of the 49th Parallel, will have some influence over such matters at next year's Winter Olympics, to be held in Vancouver, BC. Apparently, Canada, unlike most other countries in the world, has seen lower TV ratings for its coverage of men's figure skating. SkateCanada postulates that the lower ratings are due to the image that male skaters bring to the rink; namely, and both they and I are trying to dance around the shorthand phrases that could cut this paragraph in half, the impression that male skaters may come off as effeminate because of their flashy costumes [after all, no one calls what hockey players wear a "costume", do they?]. If I understand their thinking rightly, the less-than-macho look is a real turn-off to manly men who might otherwise watch the athletic moves of the skaters [and if I've offended anyone by this explanation, I am truly sorry. I did the best I could].

Intrigued by this [it was a slow weekend, people], I did a little research on the matter. For instance, here we have a photo of American figure skating champion Dick Buttons, probably taken some time in the late 1940's - early 1950's. As you can see, he's wearing an outfit something like a "dress" naval uniform. Going on my admittedly weak memory, I seem to remember that most male skaters through the late 1960's wore either this look, or something like a regular business suit [with the jacket shortened, of course, to allow for more ease of movement]. The only "flash" in the costumes were the gold buttons that usually decorated them.

Then, during the 1970's, new fabrics [Spandex, for instance] allowed for more form-fitting designs. In the 80's and 90's, as Andrew Harmon points out in this overv i ew article from the LA Times, things got so out of hand that judges were instructed to deduct points for overly "theatrical" garb. With the new Millennium, however, and the scoring scandal that came out of the 2002 Winter Games, "Anything goes" seems to be the only rule [although the scandal had nothing to do with costumes]. Ironically, the garb worn by Will Ferrell and Jon Heder in Blades Of Glory [at right] comes off as almost "old school" by today's standards.

Maybe it's just me, but what I really think would boost men's skating is an infusion of personality, or at least a bit of longevity, among its stars. Michelle Kwan, Oksana Baiul, even little charmer Tonya Harding have more reality to them than any men's champion of recent years. Maybe a scandal could boost TV numbers. How about Canadian Elvis Stojko [who spent the weekend manfully trying to prop up the SkateCanada position and, it should be added, usually performs in outfits that aren't embarrassing to the male gender as a whole] taking a hockey stick to the kneecap of the American or Russian champ during the run-up to the Vancouver Games? Now that would boost the ratings!

-Mike Riley

Hunger And Hope [BloggersUnite]

2009-04-29T01:27:00.028-04:00

Sometimes the best way to begin is with a fact. Okay, here's one:

In the year 2004, it was estimated that farming across the Earth already produces enough food to feed everyone on the planet - six billion, at that time. Indeed, the same statement added that twice that number - 12 billion - could be fed.

-United Nations Food And Agricultural Organization

Let your head try to wrap around that for a moment. We already have the resources that, if properly distributed, would once and for all end world hunger. Despite this, the UN estimates that 923-million people are hungry worldwide.

Another fact:

It's estimated that a person dies every second of every day from hunger, or diseases made worse by undernourishment. One in five of those who die is a child. That works out to 4,000 people an hour, 100,000 a day, 36 million people a year. More than half the deaths on Earth in a year can be attributed to hunger.

- United Nations Food And Agricultural Organization

Enough information for you? Well, how about a quote:

"...[H]ope comes from just standing up"
-Studs Terkel

It's time to stand up. Stand up and work for those who are hungry. Yes, Big Government must be a part of the ultimate solution. But four thousand people this hour alone can't wait.

Below are links to a few groups that are fighting world hunger today. Look them over, then get involved if you wish. But remember that hunger may live up the street from you, or in the next block, or across the street from your best friend [then again, it could be your best friend...]. You probably know of groups near you that are helping to deal with hunger in your area. Support them as well, in body or spirit.

The Heifer Project [Co-sponsoring today's BloggerUnite project]
Action Against Hunger
The Hunger Site [All you have to do here is click on an icon. It's worth about a cup of food. Couldn't be easier...]
FeedingAmerica [formerly known as America's Second Harvest. Co-ordinating food bank resources across the US]
The Hunger Project

There are certainly more groups than these. Find one [or more], then go to work...

-Mike Riley

10-Q

2009-04-16T01:28:00.020-04:00

One thing that Anybody who's ever looked into such things can tell you, is that every day of the year has one or more events commemorated by it [for instance, according to the Mayan calendar pictured at left, December 20th, 2012 is a day that should be devoted to "serene contemplation of birds - their grace and calmness, even at times of difficult winds". The next day is "Run Around like A Chicken Whose Head Has Been Cut Off Day"]. The degree of ridiculousness attached to so many commemorations depends, in part, on how silly you find the event or group being celebrated. Which is an incredibly convoluted way [the only way I do things] to bring up the fact that today, April 16th, is Blog Reader Appreciation Day.

To the best of my knowledge, this is the first formal celebration of you at the other end of the Blogosphere. Personally, I think it's more than a little overdue. I can only speak for myself, but I'd at least like to think these little observations aren't just being filed away in a particularly dark corner of the Internet, only to be perused when I become President [or, more likely, when I become one of those unknown people who start firing rifles in a mall for no known reason]. The point is, I'd guess every blogger wants his/her words to be read, and enjoyed, by someone, somewhere, in the world. Hopefully, that someone is you.

While we're sharing with each other, Dear Reader, a favor; I don't expect it every time, and it's never a condition of reading this blog, but could you please leave a comment now and then, even if it's of the "You suck worse than anybody" variety? It's nice to be able to put a name, or maybe a face, to the people who actually take the time to stop by [especially helpful when compiling a list of malls to senselessly fire rifles in...].

The person who put Blog Reader Appreciation Day together suggests that posts on this day "thank and celebrate readers with special tributes...contests, and give-aways". I'll be brutally honest; I don't have much to give away. But here are a few links to sites that I've enjoyed:

-Free Albums Galore - A great site to find free and legal music to download. You probably won't know most of the artists. But discovering new music is frequently a joy in itself.

-All My Faves - You could do worse than using this as a start page. Quick links to many of the Internet's favorite stops, along with weekly surprises and new games. A surprisingly good time-waster.

-makeuseof.com - Exploring maven Aibek looks for cool websites, software, and other unique Internet freebies. Then he posts them daily. Need a particular program? You may just find it here.

Sorry there isn't more. But you're probably aware of the major players in such matters. These are some names you may not know.

Before I go, a special thanks to my "followers". You ladies have put up with a lot, more than most people should have to, and I do appreciate it. If I ever learn how, I'll become your follower, too. Thanks also to my regular readers [as always, you know who you are]. And, if you've just discovered this blog,

-Mike Riley [who also writes the blog lab, Challenging The Thunder, and Coming Out Of The Candy Store. Thanks for reading them, also]

Dog Daze

2009-04-13T00:18:00.032-04:00

If there's one thing that drives any resident of the White House absolutely bonkers, it's the fact that there are no secrets at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. So, despite the Obama Administration's best efforts, and a planned revelatory press conference scheduled for tomorrow [Tuesday], no one should be surprised that one of the bigger questions about the still-new President's home staff has already been answered, albeit unofficially; namely, the identity of the breed of the White House dog.

A quick review: on Election Night, President-Elect Obama promised in his acceptance speech that First Daughters Malia and Sasha would receive a dog when they moved into the Presidential mansion [presumably a reward for good behavior during the campaign. At the time, the promise of another First Dog in the White House drew as many headlines as the oft-repeated rumor that Malia and Sasha would be guest-starring in an episode of Hannah Montana]. Complicating the choice; one of the Obama children [I honestly forget which one] has allergy issues. This, of course, would limit the number of breeds that could be considered.

Public opinion was split on what the national [and international] media quickly named the Dog Question: the President said he was leaning towards "a mutt, like [himself]". Critics pointed out that a non-purebred puppy would be beneath the dignity of the nation's highest office. As the debate raged on, the business of America, already crippled by the on-going financial crisis, ground to a virtual halt.Finally, the Administration realized that the Dog Question needed resolution, and fast.It sprang into action.

The first step was the creation of an internal think-tank, called the Office of Dog Selection, Vetting [no one wanted to bring a scandal-ridden canine into the still-popular Obama White House], and Acquisition (ODSVA). Following the long-time Washington tradition that the most undesirable jobs go to one man, Vice-President Joe Biden was quickly appointed head of the new office [a Democratic insider noted, "Let's face it, he's got the time"]. Biden's first appointments to ODSVA included:

Cesar Millan - TV's "Dog Whisperer"...

Lassie - America's best-known dog [as well as America's best known female impersonator, since Lassie is always portrayed by a male dog; Biden received wide praise for this master-stroke, including both Middle America and the transvestite communities in a single choice], and, in a nod to bipartisanship...

Ron Paul - failed Republican candidate for President in the 2008 election ["Let's face it", one GOP insider noted, "he's got the time"].

The ODSVA was quickly established in a former missile silo in South Dakota. A series of rapid-fire meetings soon produced a "short list" of candidates [leaked to me by a former high school classmate now working in the State Department; sorry I can't be more specific than that]:

Fifi- a toy poodle. Met the hypoallergenic problem, but fell short on the "image" issue [reportedly, even Lassie turned "paws down" on her];

Shredder - a pit bull. Got surprisingly high marks from the Secret Service, but reportedly "unnerved" one of the Obama children;

Scoobie-Doo - iconic cartoon character. Actually went over quite well with the Obamas, but difficulties with the 3-D generation technology [especially outdoors] made his selection problematic, at best. In an effort to save the choice, White House officials reportedly experimented with...

an actor, dressed as Scoobie-Doo - unfortunately, he reportedly "creeped out" one of the Obamas [not the children, interestingly enough]. Perhaps it was his demand for "cigarette breaks" every two hours?

Finally, the committee decided on:
Bo - a Portuguese Water Dog. Reportedly offered by ailing Democratic patriarch Edward M. Kennedy [whose switch from supporting Hillary Clinton to Obama in the Presidential election may have helped push the President "over the top" in the campaign. A suggestion by the Secretary of State to gift Kennedy with "Shredder" was rejected as "mean-spirited" by the ODSVA].

At any rate, the new First Dog will be officially introduced sometime Tuesday. Don't say this blog didn't try to give you the news before it happened...

-Mike Riley

Messing With House's Head

2009-04-08T00:46:00.024-04:00

Regular visitors to this blog [which reaches its 150th post with this entry] know that I am quite the fan of the TV series House M.D. [as opposed to Doogie Howser, MD]. House being the kind of show it is, it frequently explores life-and-death issues in dramatic and unexpected ways. This past week, death came in an unexpected way to the doctors' side of the equation, with the unexpected suicide of series regular "Dr. Lawrence Kutner" [Kai Penn].

Well, first of all, there had been clues. As someone cagily pointed out in a "Comments" section on one of many blogs to discuss the event, "Kutner" was the only member of "House"'s new team not to have his private life examined. Through most of this season, Hugh Laurie has spoken in interviews of a "cataclysmic" event that would change the show's direction [indeed, in an article in last Sunday's Parade Magazine, he discussed his own struggle with depression, and mentioned the show's association with the National Alliance on Mental Illness]. Further, Kai Penn's exit isn't for one of the typical reasons that cause TV death [money issues, going on to movies, "creative differences"]. No, he's decided to take a medium-level job in the Obama Administration, working on liaisons between the White House and the entertainment community; Penn has been interested in politics for some time, and worked on the Obama election team, when time allowed. He says his stay in DC is of "uncertain" length, but plans an eventual return to acting.

Such unexpected changes on a TV series are sometimes called "jumping the shark" [from an episode of "Happy Days" where Fonzie did just that]; I think it's a bit premature to call Kutner's suicide another jump. First of all, foreshadowed or not, a suicide is always an unexpected, tragic event. Sadly, I would guess most of you reading this have an experience with a friend's or relative's suicide [I had a friend from high school kill himself the summer after graduation; one of my uncles also took his own life]. Certainly, it was a dramatic bombshell; such unexpected events were part of the myths and legends of every culture, and remain so to this day. Was the House audience emotionally exploited by it? Of course. By the act of suspending disbelief, we set ourselves up for such shocks. It's part of getting involved in an on-going story, caring about the people whose fictional lives we follow.

For what it's worth, I think the real "shark jumping" moment this season is yet to come; the widely-rumored consummation of the House - Cuddy relationship. Such relieving of sexual tension never works out; anybody old enough to remember Moonlighting, a show that was more consistently "out there" than House [or just about any other TV series ever aired on American broadcast TV, for that matter] will tell you they could have struck the sets after "Addie" and "Maddie" did The Big Nasty.

The Good Development from all this [and there is one] is the potential for character growth on the part of Dr House: yes, he will no doubt remain the "Sherlock Holmes" of medicine, solving the unsolvable cases. But even Holmes failed on a few occasions [so has House, but not so much lately]. Now he'll be confronted with resolving an act that, most likely, is unresolvable. The man with all the answers has a pounding question in the back of his head, and, unless and until he can find an answer, he won't be able to make it stop. We await future developments...

A final point; after Fonzie jumped that shark on water skis [Fonzie, not the shark], Happy Days went on to a further 100 episodes. Whether they were as good as what preceded them is a matter of opinion, but, if memory serves me right, it remained a top 10 - rated show for most of that time. Will House hold its position as one of TV's most fascinating hours? Time will tell.

-Mike Riley

Miss Scarlet, In The Bedroom, With A Tube Of Toothpaste

2009-04-06T00:33:00.020-04:00

Not everyone is good at solving them, but most people seem to enjoy watching, or reading, or acting out, a good mystery. There's a beaut of one currently under investigation in Germany's capitol city, Berlin. A man there was reportedly spotted trying to leave a supermarket with a suspicious bulge under his coat. When a store employee grabbed him, 68 tubes of toothpaste fell to the floor. The thwarted thief punched the clerk, and in the confusion made his escape. His whereabouts, according to Reuters, remain a mystery. But far from the only one.

For instance, what does someone do with 68 tubes of toothpaste? Is he planning a massive "brushing" party? Could he be a dentist, stocking up to give free tubes to his patients? Or is there some darker purpose to his theft?

Before you laugh that theory off, consider a recent episode of the frighteningly-popular TV series, "CSI"; while performing an autopsy on a woman who had died of unknown causes, a "minty odor" was discovered in her stomach, along with an unknown green substance. Turned out the green stuff was fluoride toothpaste. The criminologists first theorized that the woman's husband had attempted a fairly clever crime with an unlikely murder weapon. One of the "experts" pointed out that fluoride toothpaste, consumed in large enough quantities, could be fatal [it is known that, before fluoride's tooth-preservation qualities were discovered at the end of World War II, it was principally used in rat poison and other vermin-exterminating products]. It came out during the episode that the woman in question [a former dental assistant] had an ulcer, causing damage to the stomach lining that would somehow increase the risks. It was estimated that two tubes of fluoride toothpaste [14 oz. or so each] would be enough to kill an adult. (For the record, the woman decided to kill herself, and set up an incredibly difficult suicide method that involved her handcuffing herself to the marital bed [it was bondage night], swallowing the fatal tubes of toothpaste, then undergoing what was described as an excruciatingly-painful death. All this, we add, to frame her husband for the murder.)

So, is there anything to this theory? Well, maybe. After running a Google Search [how else would you research it?], the mainstream site WebMD had nothing on the issue, but there were more than a few other sites willing to chime in on the matter. And almost all of them caution their readers to avoid fluoride [admittedly, most of them advised parents to strictly monitor how their children used fluoride in toothpaste and drinking water; a few, however, expressed the view that fluoride was unsafe for any one. One site mentioned the "two tubes will kill an adult" ratio used in the TV program]. Don't get me wrong; I respect WebMD, but I found out about the link between artificial sweeteners and nerve damage on The 700 Club, a good year before it crossed over to mainstream media. If you need a new issue to worry about, I'm glad to help.

-Mike Riley

Scent Of A Pharoh

2009-03-25T01:29:00.042-04:00

I am no expert when it comes to science. I know from observation [a scientific technique] that it has its limits when it comes to answering the "big questions" [as most scientists will acknowledge]. That said, I am usually amazed by the scope of the questions that science will take a shot at.

Consider the woman pictured at right; she was one of the few female pharaohs in Egypt's history [the picture is from a statue in her temple]; Hatshepsut ruled the Egyptian Empire for 22 years, beginning about 1479 BC, after the death of her half-brother and husband [Euuuwww; I know such arrangements weren't that uncommon in the Nile Crescent, but Euuuwww] Pharaoh Thutmose II. Hatshepsut [oh, let's call her "Hattie" for short, ok?] was only supposed to be a regent, until her stepson, Thutmose III [imagine the razzing he could have gotten on the way to school...oh, wait, he was a god-in-training...never mind...] reached adulthood [which, if memory serves me right, was, what, 14?]. But Hattie held onto the throne for over 20 years, before dying. (The fate of Thutmose 3, which sounds a little like a bad movie sequel, is not as well known as step-mom's.) For what it's worth, her reign looks like a fairly good one, including:

-mostly peaceful times [although she's believed to have led at least one military action personally],

-re-opening trade routes closed by war,

-spearheading several impressive public-works projects [including a rather spectacular tomb for herself],

-making ancient Egypt safer for transvestites [no, really. It turns out that, to make herself appear more regal to the hide-bound traditionalists of the time, she dressed in male clothing, may have worn a fake beard, and had herself pictured in statuary as male], and

-funded a trade expedition that brought, among other things, rare [and highly prized] incense plants to Egypt. It's this last one that has our attention today [Hattie last hit the headlines two years ago, when her mummy was positively identified; she was the first Egyptian royal to be so confirmed since King Tut, way back in 1922].

The bottle at left, discovered in Hatshepsut's final resting place [not that spectacular tomb that she commissioned; more on that in a minute], contains what scientists believe to be a dried-up fragrance fragment from Hattie's perfume of choice. Now the Bonn University Egyptian Museum in Germany thinks it can re-create her scent, based on the residues in the bottle, and a little educated [after all, it is Bonn University] guessing. For instance, the trading expedition that brought incense plants to Egypt was based around present-day Somalia. Combining knowledge of plants common to that region with a deconstruction of the fragrance remnant [x-rays are reportedly involved, but I don't have a clue how], pharmacologists [whom you'd think would be more useful curing the diseases that plague Humanity] believe they can make an approximation of the Royal Aroma. If they succeed, it would be the first such re-creation of a Pharaoh's scent of choice in history [Of course, either way, the whole project calls for a rousing shout of "So what?". I mean, come on; once this perfume is made, we'll never really know if it smells like Hattie's. As for marketing a re-make to the public, perfumers say you need a popular spokesperson to make a new scent work. Granted, Hattie was powerful, and likely enlightened, by the standards of her time. But, and let's be honest here, could she move more product than, say, Britney Spears?]

Hatshepsut [pictured at right in her "male" persona; the object at the base of her chin is a stylized beard] fared badly in her legacy's treatment by the Pharaohs who followed; many of her statues were destroyed, her reputation in history papyrusus was minimized [same thing happened in the Catholic Church to Pope Joan, and in the US Government to J. Edgar Hoover], and her mummy ended up in the Egyptian equivalent of an unmarked grave, with only the remains of a long-time family retainer [believed to be Hattie's wet-nurse, to show how long she'd been a family retainer] for company. In recent years, though, what with her re-discovery in that dark, dank grave, as well as this new project, Hatshepsut is in the middle of a new re-evaluation, and restoration. Fake beard and all.

- Mike Riley

"Miracles Happen Daily"

2009-03-24T01:00:00.021-04:00

Just up the street from me, there's a neighborhood beauty salon. Nothing special
about it. Except for a sign that used to be in the front window, until the sun faded it to invisibility. "Want to be sexy?", it asked. "Then come in and get a sexy haircut!" Below that, the phrase that gave the title to this post: "Miracles Happen Daily!" And you know what? They do.

I try not to get involved in what one person or another chooses to believe. Strictly speaking, as a Christian I should be trying to induce anyone who isn't to join up. But I also believe the best way to encourage others to consider your belief system is to be a good example to the world. Then, if someone asks questions, feel free to answer. So, to those who don't believe in a Supreme Being as the cause of miracles, look on the following as a few observations [based on true stories] on how "miracles" happen daily. If you do happen to believe in a Supreme Being, that's o.k., too.

A planeload of people survives a water landing in the middle of Winter. A still-alive person is found in a collapsed building after an earthquake. A man goes over a powerful waterfall with no protective devices, and lives to tell his story. The big miracles still happen, contrary to many peoples' belief. The big ones fascinate us, force us to wonder how what we consider "impossible" can be, leave us puzzling over their significance in our world and our life. But, just as true fans of stage magic prefer the small tricks that can be done on a table-top to larger illusions, many fans of miracles relish the small wonders that happen, well, daily.

Consider Mark Tondreault, of Florida; in two years, he survived a lifetime's worth of illness, emergency surgery, and excruciating recovery. By no means is the story over; Tondreault faces still more therapy. But he's grateful for a "second shot at life". Now, the non-Supreme Being-ists reading this are certainly thinking that Tondreault should be more grateful to his surgeons [and a few in the other camp are probably puzzled that an "SB" would choose to intervene in the life or death of an admitted alcoholic, whose drinking was certainly responsible for some of his illness]. For what it's worth, I agree that Tondreault's medical team deserves credit for his continued survival. For that matter, Tondreault has a strong sense of survival that certainly helps. But, in the face of the "impossible" [or, at the very least, the extremely unlikely], the "M" word certainly comes to mind, either in its traditional or colloquial usage.

Then there are the "random acts of kindness" that turn out spectacularly well. Take Matt Steven. A blind kid takes his team's free throws during a CYO tournament. And winning the championship with one. There's a lot going on here: let's follow the chain slowly, so we don't miss anything. First, Steven's brother taking him along to practice. Then, encouraging his free throw shooting, so he'd practice, and make such a situation possible. Steven's being allowed to travel with the team. The team making arrangements to allow him to take its free throws, not only with the referees, but every other team in the tourney. The other teams agreeing to the arrangement. The fans in attendance, for not sabotaging the situation [remember, people tapping on their seats, or making it impossible for Steven to hear his aural cues from the backboard, would have ended the experiment before it began].I'm probably leaving a link or two out, but you get the idea.

Miracles. They do happen daily. And not just in beauty salons.

-Mike Riley

"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"

2009-03-19T00:36:00.024-04:00

Anything spectacular is probably propped up "behind the scenes" , one way or another. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" is just good advice when you want to be dazzled. If you want to be dazzled by this post, ignore the next few sentences. I'll let you know when to look again.

The Reuters News Service is one of the world's largest news syndication companies. One of its most popular features is "Oddly Enough News" which, as the name implies, presents unusual, odd, or strange items in the news [the sort of thing that 90's talk-show host Arsenio Hall immortalized as , "Things that make you go, 'H'mmm'"]. Periodically, Reuters allows civilians like you or I to join an e-mail list that gets you each installment. For writers of "Humor" blogs [had you forgotten?], "Oddly Enough News" is a Godsend for inspiration, video, and, when needed, filler. Then again, why do you need filler, when a blogger with an average sense of humor [and I am nothing, if not a blogger with an average sense of humor] can ramble out a few "riffs" based on the original articles? Case in point [okay, eye-averters out there, get ready to be dazzled!]:

I don't know why, but it seems politics are a bit more "colorful" in Europe than here in the US. I'm not exactly sure why; maybe it's the beautiful backgrounds available to protest before [like the canal-based beef at right], or a multiplicity of cultural traditions giving our European friends more to protest about. Perhaps it's just a panache that comes from living in the Old World. In England, for instance, the Local Government Association has asked the powers-that-be in London to lay off 200 words or phrases that they claim, "muddy the communicative waters". Former PM Tony Blair referred to his nation's taxpayers as "stakeholders", according to an article from Reuters; more than a few of them had a fantasy about where to drive the stake. (I have to confess one bit of English Politico-jargon does hit home with me; namely, the term "cascading", referring to the act of sending an e-mail from layer to layer of government. It just sounds so picturesque!)

See how easy it is to write a post item with a bit of inspiration? But I'm not done yet...

In Italy, meantime, stars of the adult film industry frequently take notable "legitimate" roles in politics. A decade or so ago, a major star of such films ran for, was elected, and served at least one term in Italy's Parliament. And earlier this week current porn star Laura Perego [left] stripped to her panties in Milan's stock exchange, in what was termed a "protest" against the world-wide economic crisis. Ms. Perego, who also chose to wear a painted-on Italian flag to demonstrate her concerns with national issues, was quoted as shouting "Italy is down to its underpants!", before being taken away by police. Now why is it that America's "dirty movie" stars can't seem to be bother to speak out?

In France, on the other hand, worries over finances have taken a huge bite out of, well, so I don't scandalise anyone, let's call it the "marital aid" industry [and no, I'm not talking about rebate checks for France's married population]. This goes against everything I've ever believed about such times; I would have thought S-E-X was one of the few things most people could afford to do.

Changing gears, Japan is taking a typically high-tech approach to the high cost of supermodels; a Japanese firm has invented a robot mannequin, capable of walking, posing, and strutting its gear-driven "stuff": [the robot supermodel actually does a couple of things; it saves untold millions in modelling fees, and it fills the slot in the list of World Famous Supermodels reserved for Japan (seriously: has there ever been a Japanese, or even Asian supermodel that found success outside her home region?). At least as graceful as a drugged Kate Moss [and more coherent], the Robo-Model looks like a win-win all around. Domo arigato, dear Ms. Robato!

You don't need to make good humor up. Just read your local newspaper [or news feed].

-Mike Riley

2 Thoughts, 1 Post...

2009-03-06T01:35:00.015-05:00

...not to be confused with 2 Girls, 1 Cup. And no, I'm not linking to it. After a year or so, I've finally gotten the damn thing out of my head [fortunately, without therapy. By the bye, what sort of revulsion therapy would work in that situation? Teletubbies? If you haven't seen or heard of it, consider yourself blessed...]

Anyway, in reference to our last post, the protests, fortunately, turned out to be a non-event [here's a story, with video, from the Buffalo News] Sorry to get you worked up over nothing [that said, I truly believe anger over injustice, prejudice or stupidity is one of the greater gifts God gave to His Creation].

Elsewhere; I've always prided myself on the amount of reading I do. But recently, I've had cause to doubt my skillz. While on Facebook, I discovered a list of 99 books [not 100, as advertised in the set-up: still, it's a substantial list] ; you're then asked to indicate which of them you've read. I'm not going to run the entire listing by you: suffice it to say it runs the gamut from Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy [yes] to Les Miserables [no, but I saw the musical on PBS, if that counts], with stops at Winnie The Pooh and Lord Of The Flies [as well as Lord Of The Rings] to boot. Out of 100 [or 99, actually], I've read only 23 [I'm very embarrassed about this, but I've decided to be honest about it]. A few comments...

-Lord Of The Rings - About 1 1/2 books in, I just plain lost interest. Too many Hobbits, Halflings, and Dwarves to keep sorted out. That noted, I thought The Hobbit was well worth wasting time over;

-Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes - Why is Sherlock Holmes the only known cocaine-user in history to get introspective on the drug, instead of the manic action most users report? Could it be that Conan Doyle [a doctor, let's remember] just picked a drug at random, then gave Holmes the symptoms he wanted him to have? (Readers of early Holmes stories will remember how often Doyle used the term vegetable alkaloid when he wanted a quick, easy-not-to-explain plot device)

-A Confederacy Of Dunces - Probably my favorite book on the list. If you haven't read it yet, you really should.

While we're talking about books, and reading, I was startled by this item from Reuters. Strangely enough, the only book on the list I've read [1984] is the one most claimed as read by Britons. Just another difference between our former landlords and us...

-Mike Riley

I Just Don't Believe This!

2009-02-20T03:17:00.018-05:00

"Pray for the dead, and fight like Hell for the living"

-"Mother" Jones

Normally, this is classed as a "humor" blog. I frequently look at serious subjects, but usually in a light-hearted way. Don't look for jokes in this post, though. To be blunt, I am ENRAGED by news I've received tonight via Facebook.

As many of you know, there was a horrific plane crash just outside of Buffalo last week. 50 people, many of whom were residents of, or had ties to, Buffalo were killed. Throughout this week, several churches have quietly held memorial services for the victims. By all accounts, they have been well attended. Earlier tonight, church bells throughout this end of Western New York rang in memory of the dead. This is a close-knit area. Many people knew one or more of those on the plane. Those of us who were spared direct connection with the tragedy are in mourning for fellow humans, and those who sufferred loss, and live on.

Word has reached us, though, of a disturbing response to last Thursday's crash. Representatives of the Westboro Baptist Church have announced their intent to come to Buffalo, and picket two memorial services on Sunday (2/22). If you're not familiar with Westboro Baptist, it's an independent church in the state of Kansas. It's noted for sending groups of protestors to funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afganistan, and using these events to claim that America's current woes are caused by the government's tolerant attitude towards homosexuals. Understand; as disturbing as I find their message, I believe they have the right to express it. Where I draw the line is their disruption of funerals and, now, apparently, memorial services. Even people in virtually every nation I believe to be truly repressive have the right to mourn their dead without disturbance! (It may be the only universally agreed-upon human right on Earth)

Were the protest to be held in a location away from the services [one of which is scheduled in the community where Flight 3407 went down], I could accept that. But to disrupt the honest mourning of the grieving is just wrong.(Facebook members can find out more about planned counter-protests here.)

-Mike Riley

Monkey Business

2009-02-16T23:28:00.018-05:00

No, nobody's perfect. And yet, I feel very self-critical when it comes to what I consider my flaws. Take my lack of pity for people who do things that are just obviously stupid. Understand, I'm not talking about the honest mistakes that every human makes. Nor am I intolerant of people who err due to lack of knowledge. No, my full-bore scorn is reserved for people who should know better, but choose to ignore Reality looking in at them, and pretend the world is a different place than it really is.

Example One comes from the series of children's books [also a movie or two,
and now an educational series on public television] about the chimpanzee Curious George, and his guardian, the appropriately named Man In The Yellow Hat. Anyone who's read or watched more than a story or two in the series can predict what's going to happen in each episode; George gets separated from the Man, and has an adventure that usually ends with him trashing a store, house, cake, or party, just in time for the Man to come up from wherever he'd been and say something like, "Oh, Heavens, isn't George a curious little monkey?" I mean, come on! First of all, if this were Reality [with a capital R], the owner of whatever George had destroyed would be screaming [justly, I'd have to say] for compensation from the Yellow-Hatted Man. Then again, I could see Yellow [you don't mind if I shorten his name up a bit, do you?] saying, "Hey, he's a monkey! Why did you let him into your store? Waddya think he'd do, polish your counters? He's a fu__in' monkey!" (I'm trying to figure out which of the TV "judges" would get the arbitration case, and what would be the result. I think George and the Man win from most of them, by the bye)

Case two comes to us from Stamford, Connecticut, home of, among other things, World Wrestling Entertainment [and you can't imagine how desperately I wish I could bring them into this one]. It's also home to one Sandra Herold, who owned a 150-pound adult chimpanzee names Travis. Most animal experts would call that a disaster waiting to happen; it's estimated that a 150-pound chimp at full maturity is three to seven times stronger than a similarly-sized human. Unfortunately, the disaster came to pass today. Here's the story.

Now, I do feel sorry for Ms. Herold losing her pet, which was said to be like a child to her. But, to quote the Man With The Yellow Hat: "He's a monkey!" And, as the CNN account pointed out, Travis had gone, well, apeshit at least once before [the photo is from his 2003 escape and rampage through the streets of Stamford. Granted, he's no King Kong, but he probably did cause a good deal of damage and consternation. Why did the city allow Ms. Herold to have her chimp back after that display?]. Further, I feel badly for Charla Nash, scarred for life by Travis [what was she thinking, getting involved with this mess?]. I feel badly for the police who had to deal with Travis [No, I don't believe it's emotionally easy to put several slugs into a living creature, whether it's life or death or not]. I feel badly for Travis; if he'd been properly restrained, or, better yet, left alone in the jungle that gave him birth, he'd likely still be alive today [The story notes that Travis stole a key to escape his cage. Is this too clear a clue as to the brains of this outfit?].

(A sidebar to the men in the audience: were you as creeped out as I was about that 2005 case in California where the escaped chimp ate a man's nose and genitals? I can kind of picture the scenario and I wish I couldn't...)

Keeping a wild animal as a pet; obviously stupid. What was Sandra Herold thinking? What was Stamford, CT thinking of when they permitted it? Pardon me, I need to go away and calm down...

-Mike Riley

Puhleeze, Mr. Postman!

2009-02-13T00:50:00.020-05:00

In the interest of full disclosure; one of my uncles was, for many years, employed by the U S Post Office, the government-run mail-delivery service superseded in recent years by, among other things, the U S Postal Service, private delivery services, cheaper phone rates, the Internet, ...well, you get the idea. The point is, the Postal Service has fallen on hard times [I imagine a similar crisis ran through the whale-oil industry, once electricity became commonplace in American homes]. Still, I can't come up with a sane explanation for the story I'm about to tell [a true one, by all accounts. You can't make this stuff up, and frankly, given the state of Earth just now, why bother?]

The U S Postal Service has a noble heritage; born as the Post Office, in the earliest days of the Republic, it strives to live up to the words of ancient Greek historian and traveller Herodotus: "Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds". This matter refers to that first impediment - snow. I have spent every one of my 51 winters in a snowy climate; most of them spent here in Western New York state. I point this out to demonstrate that, based on experience, I know snow [despite having a reasonably successful pro hockey team, an active basketball scene, skiing, snowboarding, tubing, as well as the defending champions of the National Lacrosse League, the true winter sport in Western New York is "trying to live as normal a life as possible despite all this snow, wind, and cold". And baby, we are the champions!].

Anyway, as winters go, the current one has been a little on the harsh side: very cold, lots of ice on the sidewalks and streets, and a good deal of snow. In areas where snow falls, usually property owners are responsible for clearing the hazard from sidewalks, either themselves, or by hire. Lawns, as you'd probably guess, are not required to be cleared. What, then, to make of the case of a U S Postal Service postman, who received a written reprimand from his superiors for using shovelled sidewalks during his route, instead of cutting across unshovelled [and snow-laden] lawns?

It's not that the unnamed postal employee [somehow, I suspect there's a statue somewhere with that name] was failing to deliver mail, or excluding homes that hadn't shovelled their walks. Apparently, the Postal Service wants its delivery persons to do their routes as quickly as possible, so that one person can do the work, say, of one-and-a-half, at the same rate. A supervisor watched our mailman in secret, then issued the rebuke.

The union that has jurisdiction over postal carriers is, well, disgruntled, claiming that the whole thing is nothing more than pressure tactics by management. Residents in the area this mailman serves [suburban Buffalo] think he's done nothing wrong, noting that they would do the same in his position. Indeed, given the eight-to-nine-inch tall snow drifts covering many lawns in the neighborhood, what else could he do?

Yes, I know the Postal Service is scrambling for every buck it can find. But when common sense gets thrown down the mail chute, into the bottom of the mail sack, you kind of wonder what the point of saving a small amount comes down to. No wonder these people "go postal"! (By the way, does that kind of thing happen in other countries? I can think of a few examples of it happening here, but not elsewhere. If anyone knows of a "postal employee going postal" story from outside the US, please let us known in the "Comments" section) I'd like to think that my uncle, who worked his way up the ladder from mail sorter to postal inspector, wouldn't get himself involved in such a mess...

-Mike Riley

Of Gods And Games...

2009-02-10T03:19:00.012-05:00

I don't know why [probably something to do with having done this for too many years], but lately, when I'm at work, I find myself with too much time on my hands. Thank the gods for the Internet! It's a marvelous source for free [well, cheap] information, entertainment, and games, games, games [a briefly-considered title for the Motley Crue anthem "Girls Girls Girls!"]!

In the first category, this item from LiveScience.com. It looks at the very real possibility that archeologists have found the true birthplace of worship to the ancient Greek god Zeus. (For those who haven't picked up a copy of Edith Hamilton's Mythology [or, for the old-school krew, Bullfinch's Mythology] since high school, a brief overview:

Zeus was the principal god in Grecian mythology. He was said to be head of the gods, who lived on Mount Olympia, and spent most of their time, if the legends are correct, drinking ambrosia and trying to get into the tunics of mere mortals who struck their fancy. Zeus, among other powers, was said to hurl thunderbolts from the sky [marginally better than empty ambrosia goblets, I guess]. There were temples and statues dedicated to Zeus throughout Greece; the most famous statue was a monumental work at Olympia, home of the original Olympic Games [artist's rendering at left]. The Olympic Games began as a form of worship to Zeus, by the bye. For that matter, many forms of leisure activity began as worship to one god or another, including theatre [who knew?]).

I'm not sure if resolving exactly where divinity worship in Greece began actually makes our current world a better place, but I suppose archeologists and researchers need something to justify their educations and salaries.

Skipping entertainment [hey, if you really wanted entertainment, would you be here?], the Internet is a great place to find games. This one, BoomShine, is at once one of the most frustrating and infurating puzzlers I've run across in a dog's age. Highly recommended [parents who want to steer Junior away from those disturbing "shooter" games so common on the 'Net can rest easily; nothing gets blown up here but a series of dots, and the effect is rather like watching a fireworks display while looking through a few layers of Saran Wrap]. Incidentally, I found BoomShine through a great "link farm", All My Faves. This one doesn't have Everything on the World Wide Web, but it does have just about Everything You'd Want, and there is much to be said for that. Bookmark or 'Fave' this...

-Mike Riley

P.S.: The second eye surgery went as well as the first. Thanks for all the prayers and kind thoughts. Life without glasses [except for "close work"] is truly fascinating, and I hope to put a few thoughts on the matter in a future post - MR

TV vs Reality

2009-02-06T00:20:00.022-05:00

I'm not by nature a sceptic, but it's always nice to get confirmation of a piece of information I haven't formally researched ["research" in this case referring to a quick Google search]. For years now I've heard that newspaper reading is mostly a pursuit of "older" Americans. Well, I'm 51, and lately, I've found myself reading the paper. Having grown up in Buffalo, NY, I find myself drawn to the only regional newspaper, The Buffalo News. I'm far from alone in this pursuit, of course; indeed, the News either tops, or is in the top 3 of, annual lists of US newspaper circulation [a reflection, no doubt, of the area's aging population. It also explains why uber-investor Warren Buffett owns it]. I can't speak for anyone else, of course, but I find myself poring over the pages for news of Buffalo and its environs [I get most of the world and national news on TV, and find that local TV doesn't really cover non-visual stories].

For instance, yesterday's paper carried an update on a missing-person story from last fall. A few details were missing, both from the Lackawanna police investigators who explored the case and the News story, but we can fill most of them in with a little reading between the lines. The girl, you'll remember if you read the article, disappeared shortly after her betrothal to a man from Yemen was announced. She apparently moved in with a friend's family, and remained there until this week. Then, she appeared at the Lackawanna police station, which ended the investigation. It's believed she contacted the police anonymously shortly after leaving home, noting that she was safe. One police investigator noted that the matter was closed, adding that they had no plans to further explore what they considered a "family matter".

I'm guessing here, of course, but this looks like an arranged marriage gone wrong. Such arrangements are common in Muslim families [the girl was wearing the traditional Muslim headscarf in the News photo], as well as in several other cultures. For some reason, the betrothal went sour. The girl disappeared for a period of time, during which, I'd guess, the arrangement became null and void [I have virtually no knowledge of such matters, and if my speculations are wrong, I sincerely apologize to those who follow such custom]. Once the wedding was off, she was free to resume life with her family.

The reason this whole thing caught my eye was the announcement, earlier this week, that CBS-TV in the United States will present a "reality" series, based on the idea of arranged marriages being set up in America, where such weddings have become rare(Now understand; while I don't believe in the arranged marriage system, I'm not really critical of it, either. After all, any nation whose divorce rate has reached 50 % has no business criticising anybody else's way of doing things. And, it should be noted, under such a plan, the in-laws are likely to meet at least once before the Big Day].

Now, you'd think CBS would know better: after all, this is the network that aired the notorious Kid Nation series a couple of seasons back [of course, no one seems to have gotten that message; Britain's Channel 4 is currently broadcasting a series based on the same premise. Its chief innovation is that, unlike Kid Nation, the suddenly-emancipated children have the advantage of modern conveniences. Wii...]. Of course, in the arranged marriage series, all of the participants are probably over the age of 18; if adults want to put the control of who becomes their life partners in the hands of friends and family, that's their business. It's likely the show's producers have the "players" under some sort of contract, so that they can make a follow-up series in a year or two, noting how many couples are still together [anybody want early odds on how many are?]. And, unlike the FOX series, these couples have to get married [if a couple divorces, does the show cover their legal costs?].

In conclusion: In any battle between reality and "reality TV", put your money on reality. It's almost always unpredictable, and usually more entertaining.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get the paper...

-Mike Riley

A Progress Report...and A History Lesson

2009-01-25T22:29:00.024-05:00

Well, things must be going o.k. so far; here we are, halfway through the medical procedures, and I'm already back blogging. Actually, we're two-thirds of the way through. The left-eye surgery and colonoscopy took place last week [what fun!], and the right eye gets done on Wednesday (In a related note, celestial high-fives to Paul Baines, regular reader/visitor/commentator, for his kind vibes from the UK. By the bye, Mr. Baines is also a world-class purveyor and creator of street art, as well as an insightful observer of the art scene. Don't believe me? Well, who does? Check for yourself).

There's really not much to tell about the colonoscopy; as with most people, the prep is the truly ugly part [no need to go into detail here: just understand that the preparations involve taking a two-week supply of a popular laxative in about an hour, followed by four stool softeners, twice the normal dosage. Draw your own conclusions]. They found a couple of polyps, but, pending further review, they're believed to be non-cancerous.

The eye surgery [cataract removal, along with a lens insertion], on the other hand [or eye], turned out to be rather interesting. First of all, my opthamologist used sound waves to break up the offending growth [being in radio, I find that somehow appropriate]. Then, some kind of teenie-tiny suction device [I'm sure there's a medical term for it, but I'll be damned if I know what it is] removes the particles. Then, a plastic lens [folded, somehow] is inserted through the incision. It opens up on the eye and, shazam, improved vision. And it really is improved vision, in my case. I'm severely near-sighted, and the left eye, worked on first, is much the worse of the two. It's truly bizarre to be able to see reasonably clearly out of it after 40-some odd years of wearing glasses. Of course, I now need to wear reading glasses for "close work". Complicating this is the fact that the right eye is still severely near-sighted. At first, I was switching between the reading glasses and my old prescription glasses. For the last day or two, though, I've settled on the reading glasses when I need them [like right now, for instance] and no glasses at all otherwise. This gives me what I call the "Popeye effect": clear sight from one eye, while squinting out of the other [hence the famous squint-eyed sailor at the top of this post].

But enough about me. Speaking of Popeye, did you know he's celebrating his 80th birthday this month? He first appeared on January 17th, 1929, in an established comic strip called Thimble Theatre, by Elsie Segar. The feature had spent a decade telling stories of the Oyl family, especially Castor, and his sister, Olive [She, in the pre-Popeye days, dated a friend of Castor's,Ham Gravy]. A story line sent Ham and Castor out on a boat, operated by Popeye. Reader response to the character went through the roof, and soon poor Ham was written out of the strip [making him the Pete Best of the cartoon world]. Popeye and his sea-faring adventures soon became the main focus of the comic, and Segar became a rather wealthy cartoonist.

So, ha ppy birthday, one-eyed sailor with the strangely-mutated arms! No less a Superman expert than co-creator Jerry Siegel claims he developed the Superman-Lois relationship based on Popeye's [frequently] unrequited love for Olive [Siegel was also smart enough to make Lois a much hotter babe than Ms. Oyl ever dreamt of being]. Sometime I need to take a look at the whole Popeye-Olive Oyl-Bluto triangle. Why these two guys, who frequently seem friendly enough, need to fight over a woman who has a pickle for a nose raises some intriguing questions:

-Why Olive Oyl? Hey, they could certainly do better. Unless OO has some undefined skills in, shall we say, intimate moments [Cleopatra was said to be rather plain, yet she nailed down two key figures at the founding of the Roman Empire. Was it in how she nailed them?].

-The Popeye-Bluto rivalry; their battles frequently break down to contests of strength. Strength implies superiority, or power over another. Is this all just a struggle over who's on top during those long, lonely nights at sea?

-Repeated struggles: do Popeye and Bluto have an "Olive Oyl" in every port? Does Bluto beat Popeye consistently in any of them? And, more importantly, do any of them look like Lois Lane [or even Lana Lang]?

But that's for another time. Again, thanks for the prayers and good Karma. Please keep it coming. Another surgery awaits...

-Mike Riley

Down For Maintenance...Not My Computer, Me!

2009-01-19T02:53:00.010-05:00

When someone first starts writing a blog, they come to it with enthusiasm [or, at least, let's hope so. Whether the goal is money or notoriety (there aren't that many
famous bloggers), it's easy to be "up" for regular posting]. Soon, though, reality sets in. Lots of EC drops, but almost never a comment. I'm okay with that, though. After all, I'm not the most active commenter out there. Still, I try. I make an effort to add something new here at least once a week [it's much cheaper than psychotherapy, and I can pretend I'm creative].

For the next two weeks, though, I may be away completely. Why? Well, it's my turn for maintenance. I've mentioned here a time or two that I'm diabetic [more insights on the subject here]. In case you're not aware, diabetes plays all kinds of havoc with its sufferers' bodies. One area that usually takes a beating are the eyes. In my case, the problem is cataracts. They're not at the "I can't see anything" stage, but my opthamologist thinks it's a good time to have them out.

I have to confess I'm a little nervous about the whole thing. I probably shouldn't be. After all, this same doctor took care of TheWomanILove's cataracts, a couple of years ago, and she's done quite well since her surgeries. And I seem to remember reading somewhere that cataract surgery dates back to ancient Rome, making it one of the older regularly-practiced procedures. There's even a bonus up-side for me. My eye doctor seems to think that, by implanting a plastic lens in each eye after removing the cataracts [think permanent contact lenses], I might not need glasses for my near-sightedness. What is nearsightedness? To explain, please welcome a special guest: (Jinkies, that Velma is hot! Daphne's got nothin' on her...)

Still, it's a moment of mixed emotions. I've worn glasses since I was about seven, more than 40 years! The only photo I have of myself without glasses is, well, revealing in other areas [hey, I was in college...]. The pleasure most people feel when the air hits their exposed face seems, well, freakish to me. Besides, for various reasons, they can only do one eye at a time. So, for a week, I'll be looking out through one surgically-improved eye, and one that is still very nearsighted. Talk about an odd view of the world!

Complicating all this is the fact that, in-between the two eye surgeries, I'm going in for my first colonoscopy. I could throw in a link to a medically sensible explanation of the procedure, but just think: camera sliding around up your ass, and I think you'll have a better sense of the whole thing than medical science can give you.

In summary, then: I'll try to get back here as soon as I can. But if there's nothing new here for a couple of weeks, I think you'll understand.

-Mike Riley

It's All Freud's Fault, Well. Sort Of

2009-01-14T02:07:00.017-05:00

There is, or at least was, a group of people in the habit of blaming Sigmund Freud

for Everything Wrong with Modern Society. Well, while Freud's seeming emphasis on the Sex Drive being responsible for everything from choice of automobile to choice of whether or not to smoke certainly didn't make him any friends among the Status Quo powers of Early-20th-Century America, they did find enthusiastic support within the new Mercantile Class. Or so goes the premise of one episode of a BBC short series [four, one-hour episodes] that I discovered recently while cruising a social site [the series can be found here ].

Actually, the person responsible for the Cult of Consumerism wasn't so much Freud, as his American nephew, Edward Bernays. Forgotten today, he may have been the most important man of the 1920's in America. Bernays:

-translated many of Freud's observations into usable information for business. After the First World War, American Industry was running at near-top levels, from manufacturing war materiel for the Allies. Manufacturers wanted to keep their factories putting out product. But, to make that work, Americans had to be convinced to purchase for pleasure, not out of necessity. Bernays helped sculpt advertising that addressed those purposes, based on Freud's observations on what pleased humans.

- "invented" the concept of public relations; may have been the first person to call himself a PR expert. Bernays saw the Populace, in general, as something to be feared, as it could easily be "herded" by Authority [as he had just seen happen in World War I]. He hoped to turn the techniques of persuasion over to the Private Sector, who, he believed, would use the power for marketing their goods, instead of promoting political ideas [which, with few exceptions, is the way it's all played out].

-created the first "media events" for promotional purposes. Bernays was once hired by a major cigarette manufacturer, who had a little problem: in the 1920's, the link between cigarette smoking and cancer, emphysema, and other debilitating illnesses had not been discovered, but there was a traditional taboo which forbade women from smoking openly in public. In a famous experiment, Bernays hired a group of attractive women, and told them to join the line of march for New York City's Easter Parade. On a signal from him, they were simply to light up, and smoke in public. Then he sent cleverly-written press releases to local newspapers, alerting them that "attractive women" would be taking part in a "women's rights march", lighting "torches of freedom" during the parade! The papers, for the most part, got the hint, and wrote articles noting that women had smoked in public, without the Republic collapsing.

-created the concept of "product placement". When Bernays was at his peak, it was not unusual to see an actor or actress [whom Bernays worked for], promoting a product [whose manufacturer had also hired Bernays], in advertising [created and sold by Bernays], in popular magazines like Cosmopolitan [which Bernays was a consultant to]. The modern idea of interlocking promotions is at least 85 years old...

I guess what intrigues me the most about Edward Bernays is that, after creating most of the modern advertising culture we live in, he disappeared into the background, and is virtually unknown today. Well worth a few minutes of your time to watch the video hyperlinked above [besides, American Idol has only been on one night, and already I'm bored! Can't we just move along to Hollywood? Please?].

-Mike Riley

Science For The Home

2008-12-26T00:39:00.017-05:00

While looking in at Yahoo! this morning ['bout 12:30 am, EST, to be accurate], I found the following: "Hobbyists experimenting with genetic engineering at home". Now students, for five extra points on your next pop quiz, can anyone tell me what might be wrong with this scenario? Anybody? What the Hell is wrong with you people? If this isn't a recipe for disaster, I'd like to know what is!

Granted, several marvelous things have come out of so-called "hobbyist" experiments, as the article points out [To their list I'd add the invention of disposable razor blades, vulcanized rubber, and the beginnings of the chewing gum industry. Those last two have more in common than you'd like to know, especially fans of Juicy Fruit. But I digress...]. But stacked up against those triumphs is the dismal record of other science dilettantes, at least in fiction. Consider Dr. Victor Frankenstein, the actual namesake of Mary Shelley's book [his constructed man, it should be pointed out, is referred to as "the Creature" throughout the story]. Now, the not-so-good doctor was actually experimenting in neurology [any competent plumber of the era could have worked out how to re-connect the blood and digestive systems, but even today, with exponentially greater knowledge of the human body, nerve repair is at best in the primitive stages], but the results of his labors do not bode well for the budding Home Scientist Movement.

Those of you out there who mis-spent part [or most] of your youth in reading comic books [no, NOT "Archie" ; by the way, did you know Arch, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, even Reggie, all have their own blogs at the company's web site? Almost makes me wish I'd taken up another form of expression] have certainly seen the dangerous effects of Home Science. How many villains, monsters, etc have been created by a scientific exploration gone awry? More than we can count, I fear. For those unable to read, consider programs like Dexter's Laboratory, or Johnny Test. Even the socio-political experiments of The Brain, in Pinky and The Brain, fail to give us much hope for the results.

Another potential puzzler; what if some of these scientific experiments pan out? Consider the case of Tom Dempsey, the first of only two players to kick a 63-yard field goal in a National Football League game. Careful perusers of the clip linked to above will note that Dempsey's kicking shoe is unusually shaped [a clearer look at his shoe is here. He was born without toes on his kicking foot, and so adopted a shoe with a broader striking surface. The debate over whether the odd shoe gave him an advantage over other kickers led to a rule change that forced future "toeless" kickers to wear traditional-shaped shoes on their kicking feet. The change came into effect just before Dempsey became a member of my beloved Buffalo Bills, and likely led to a drop-off in his kicking distance, and, probably not coincidentally, an end to his career. The Bills have no luck whatever...] If chance could give a kicker an [at least perceived] unfair advantage, what if some clever boyo throws some DNA in his or her handy Cuisinart, and creates an individual with giant arms? Great for passers, or receivers. How about humongous legs? Imagine running backs with pegs three or four times the size of a regular human. Better yet, imagine the lawsuits that will ensue if one of these genetically-altered behemoths demands the right to play. Great for lawyers; for the sport, not so good.

A final thought: I truly believe we need more, and better, teaching of science-related subjects [English, too, please] in our schools, but any parents who bought their children science lab kits for the holidays based on the positive image of scientists on TV in recent years are Just Asking For Trouble.

-Mike Riley

"Video Of The Week" - SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EDITION!

2008-12-24T01:34:00.010-05:00

As I post this, it's very early on the morning of December 24th. Outside my studio window at work, a mix of rain and snow falls, reflecting the street lights, and turning the sky a mellow gold [the sleet/ice mix is going to make getting home after work a SPECIAL joy]. To paraphrase that James Stewart movie, it's a pretty decent existence, concidering.

As promised, here are a few holiday videos for your entertainment pleasure. I wanterd to hook up with the "Video Yule Log" people, but they wanted MONEY, and regular readers of this space know I am waaaaay cheap.

First up, U2's take on the Emerson, Lake and Palmer classic, "I Believe In Father Christmas":

Next up, from our Office Of People With Entirely Too Much Time On Their Hands, a rather spectacular Christmas lights display. The music, in case you're wondering, is from the Trans Siberian Orchestra:

You may have wondered how Santa and the reindeers fill in the time between Christmas visits. Well, I have it on very good authority that karaoke is somehow involved:

There are many great Christmas TV specials, but I've always enjoyed "A Charliec Brown Christmas":

And no Christmas is complete without Bing:

To those who stop by periodically, and even those few who are regular readers, on behalf of TheWomanILove, the Boys, and of course, myself, wishes for the merriest of Christmases, and the Happiest of New Years!

-Mike Riley

The Human Drama Of Athletic Competition...

2008-12-18T00:35:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, I find a piece of video that has no relationship with anything I plan to write, but that I just want to include. Case in point:

In case I don't get back here before YOUR seasonal celebration of choice, please have the best of the holiday season! Unless something moves me to write, I don't plan to be back before December 26th. But check in periodically; I do have a few "Video of The Week" specials to include. Look for 'em...

-Mike Riley

Eating Like A Genius

2008-12-10T09:29:00.014-05:00

With all the parties, dinners, and what-not that go on this time of year, you, as was I, may be surprised to learn that December is only the sixth-busiest month of the year for eating out [according to the National Restaurant Association, which reports August is the busiest month. I guess people really don't like working in a hot kitchen].

I would guess that what time of year is the busiest for restaurants varies from place to place. In Scandinavia, for instance, December is probably near the top for diners, what with the two Nobel Prize banquets [the main one held in Stockholm, Sweden, with a satellite meal served in Oslo, Norway for the Peace laureate]. The Stockholm affair [which might have been the name of an episode of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.] serves some thirteen hundred guests, in a cavernous room inside Stockholm's City Hall [This room, although called the "blue" room, is actually a brick red. The ways of ancient cultures far surpass the understanding of younger nations, like the US] .

I wish I could tell you what was served[the 2008 dinner was presented Wednesday night, December 10th, the anniversary of Nobel's death. Seems like a bummer to me, commemorating a man's death with a banquet. Why can't they have it in June, when, I'm led to believe, Stockholm is resplendent in Spring colors? ], but that information is guarded as closely as the Launch codes for America's I.C.B.M.'s [Left-23, Right- one full turn past 23 to 19, Left - 6, in case you were wondering]. Thanks to an informative article in the current issue of The Scientist, I can report that the first course served to the 2007 Laureates featured lobster bits inside a circle of aspic, a disc of dill-baked halibut covered in a dome of fish roe, and apple salad, served with a "Nobel roll" [if this isn't a marketing deal waiting to happen for the Nobel Foundation, I don't know what is! Then again, it seems like the Nobel Foundation isn't suffering any "cash flow" issues. Although its finances are not public knowledge, it's believed the Foundation is sitting on a fund worth billions of US dollars. They probably aren't sweating the current recession...].

But the Foundation's solid resources do mean that the dinners served each year are, in a word, spectacular. Tastes change, of course: in the 1920's, turtle soup was frequently on the bill of fare, an item which might raise a few eyebrows today [are we far off from an all-vegetarian Nobel banquet? I think if Pamela Anderson would agree to attend, a deal could be worked out.]. But [another surprise], for about 200 US dollars per person, a restaurant located just below the "blue" room [see above] will recreate any Nobel banquet menu. A spokesman for the service says that people frequently enjoy meals served to their countrymen the year they were awarded the Nobel prize [Actually, as such gimmicks go, kind of charming, and probably more healthy than re-creating the pre-game meal before a typical Super Bowl game].

I've always been a bit curious about the Nobel Prizes; how do they decide who is honored, for instance. Is it like the Oscars, where blue-ribbon panels select a short list of nominees, then open their results to a vote? Or is it based on the Emmy [US television awards] model: anyone can nominate a candidate, then expert judges decide the winner? I'm pretty sure it's not set up like the "People's Choice Awards"; if it were, the person who invented the "Ov Glove" would have a Nobel prize on his or her mantelpiece.

Actually, the whole Nobel Prize arrangement is fascinating. Legend has it that a premature rumor about Alfred Nobel's death led to the publication of his obituary. In it, the write called Nobel "the merchant of death", owing to his invention of dynamite, and criticized dynamite for allowing more people to be killed more quickly than any previous invention. Nobel, so the story goes, was so disturbed by the whole thing that he immediately re-wrote his will to set up the Nobel Prizes [that will, by the bye, was so convoluted that it took a few years to set up the Foundation and its awards. There is still some debate over specific awards, disputing that Nobel's wishes have been truly honored.].

A tradition at the Masters golf tournament decrees that the previous year's winner selects the menu for the Winner's Banquet the next year. If I'm ever presented with a Nobel Prize [hey, sooner or later a blogger WILL win the literature award], and they ask my opinion, I'm recommending wither a Chinese food buffet, or take-out from KFC...

-Mike Riley

World Aids Day: Twenty Years On [A Bloggers Unite event]

2008-12-01T01:24:00.016-05:00

There are all kinds of anniversaries: some commemorate happy events, like weddings or other achievements. Then there are the other kind. Today is the twentieth commemoration of "World Aids Day". Over the last score of years, many treatments have been discovered, extending the life of HIV/AIDS sufferers. But a few facts, culled from UNAIDS statistics, show how far we still need to go:

-33.2 million people, including two and one-half million children, have the HIV virus, which causes AIDS,

-last year, a new 2.5 million people became infected with HIV,

-about half of those who have HIV are infected before the age of 25, and are dead of AIDS by the age of 35,

-95% of AIDS cases are in the developing world, most notably in Africa. But no continent, save Antarctica, is free of AIDS victims.

I have heard that many, if not most, bloggers are under the age of 25. You're too young to remember the waves of prejudice and revulsion that followed the first cases of AIDS, in the late-70's/early 80's. Since the majority of sufferers in those days were gay, or intravenous drug users, there was a frequently stated opinion from some religious leaders, and their followers, that AIDS was nothing more or less than "God's vengeance" on those who chose to live outside the norms of society [conveniently forgetting that Christ made it a point to live with, and cure, those who lived outside the norms of His society].

As the 80's continued, two groups of AIDS victims emerged. One group were those who had been contaminated by untested blood transfusions infected with the HIV virus [a famous member of this group was tennis star Arthur Ashe]; the others came from the pool of gay males/intravenous drug users who were the first victims. A majorly unexpected member of this group was Rock Hudson. He had built a career in the movies on his "manly" reputation, but had been living a secret gay sex life for most of his Hollywood career. The announcement of his infection led to action from [former movie star and] then-President Ronald Reagan, who belatedly realized that the AIDS crisis might reach into the world of his friends and former co-stars. He came to the table late, but he at least opened up the discussion in Washington.

Then the circumstances changed. AIDS crossed into the heterosexual community. Basketball star Magic Johnson admitted that a groupie-filled lifestyle had led to his infection. A growing number of women found themselves carriers of the HIV virus. Under-developed nations discovered they, too, were victims. A growing chorus of protests and complaints led to research, and discovery, of drugs that helped many HIV/AIDS sufferers to lead longer, more healthy lives. But the goal of all disease research, a cure, remained elusive, and is still undiscovered today.

So, twenty years on from the first "World AIDS Day", where are we? Relief for the rich, suffering for the poor, is what it looks like to me. Understand, HIV/AIDS is only one of many illnesses that needs more research [I have a rooting interest in one or two diseases that should be better supported]. Let's fund more research for all the diseases that plague mankind. But let's not stop research on HIV/AIDS!

In conclusion, then; if you use intravenous drugs, don't share needles. If you're sexually active, with multiple partners, wear a condom, or make sure your partner is wearing one. Putting the question of unwanted pregnancy aside, condom use by the sexually-active has been shown to be an effective means of preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS, as well as other STD's. Your Older Bro somehow danced through the 80's and 90's unscathed. I'm sure that, on an occasion or two, I was playing Russian Roulette with my life. Somehow, I got lucky. It's not a risk I would care to take again. It's not a risk YOU should take. The younger you are, the more "bullet-proof" you believe yourself to be. No matter how good the sex may be, it's not worth risking your life over it. Sorry to come off like your parents, for God's sake, but I really have your best interests at heart, I promise...

-Mike Riley

The Piper's Revenge

2008-11-19T05:21:00.008-05:00

In case you weren't aware of it, many of our so-called "fairy tales" are, or are said to be, "inspired by true events" [as you'd see at the beginning of a TV movie based on, say, the just-finished US Presidential election]. One of the most intriguing of these is "The Pied Piper Of Hamlin". The Pied [that word, by the way, just means he was colorful, NOT a fan of crust-based desserts] Piper came to the German town of Hamlin, offering to rid the community of an on-going plague of rats [themselves carriers of plague, ironically], in exchange for a small fee. The town leaders, knowing Hamlin was desperately in need of a good de-ratting, agreed.

At this point, Mr. Piper reached into his bag, and produced a music pipe. He began to play, and the town was amazed [amazed, mind you] to see the rats follow the man out the town gates, and out of sight [rumor has it that he led the rats to the outskirts of the next village over, getting ready to shake its residents down to get the rats out. The Piper probably made a fair living in 13th-century Germany, leading the same pack of rats around]. Eventually, he returned, and asked for his money. The town burghers [city leaders, not a bunch of ground meat-based entrees] conceded the thing with the rats and the flute was a good trick, but not worth what they'd planned to pay him. So they made him a new offer: leave quietly, or be beaten to death by some community-minded thugs [the fairy tale doesn't put things so bluntly; it just says the town refused to pay him. But I think we can all see how it went down].

So the piper brought out his pipe again. But this time, he played music designed to attract Hamlin's children. He led them off into the forest, never to be seen again in Hamlin [more than a few of them turned up in the next village over. Hey, it was the 13th-century!. Child labor laws weren't in effect, and some of those children made good workers. Besides, that village PAID THE PIPER [the source of that phrase, in case you didn't know]. All this, by the way, was said to have gone down in the summer of 1284.

Fast forward about 725 years. You'll never guess what German town has been infested by an army of rats. Yeah, the cheapskate Northern Germany community of Hamlin. It almost comes off like the set-up to a bad-B movie [you know, the kind that Jack Black played in before he got popular. The kind that Paulie Shore can't get out of. You know the type. A movie that's destined to be the second feature at your nearest drive-in THE WEEK IT COMES OUT. Think of three words: "direct to video". On a good day.

I'll be curious to see how Hamlin extracts itself from this one. The Pipers' Union is standing firm, refusing to enter the village in solidarity with their ripped-off predecessor. As for "scabs", James Galway wants no part of it, and Jean-Pierre Rampal died eight years ago. That leaves desperate-for-work Ian Anderson, best known for leading the art-rock collective known as Jethro Tull. He'd rather not cross the picket lines, frankly. But a man's gotta eat. Watch this blog for updates, if they have the potential for humor [I'm not saying I'll get them there. But they gotta have at least the potential].

-Mike Riley

Bloggers Unite: The Expanding Crisis

2008-11-10T00:15:00.012-05:00

In the midst of the current worldwide economic crisis, it's hard to find "growth industries". Sadly, a prosperous, and expanding, sector is the creation of refugees. Beside the on-going tragedy that is Darfur, and the decades-long Palestinian dispersion [to name just two of too, too many], we can add the blossoming crisis in the Democratic Republic of the Congo and the war-related misery in Iraq [and make no mistake: while the roots of this ethnic-based conflict existed before the United States, never mind our involvement in the Middle East, we are also responsible for the pain that our recent actions have caused].

A few facts, courtesy of the United Nations:

- about 50 million people worldwide are believed to be victims of forced displacement;

- nearly two-thirds of the world's refugees come from nations in the Middle East or Africa;

-the current understanding of the term "refugee" includes persons who are displaced by armed conflict, but who remain within the borders of their country of origin.

Here's a little exercise [Warning: this will probably make you feel at least a little anxious. It should]: Imagine it's the middle of the night in your quiet neighborhood. Suddenly an explosion rocks your safe, secure home. Startled, half-awake, you cautiously peer out your bedroom window. Two doors down, a house is demolished. It's surrounded by a group of screaming men, many of them carrying guns. You hear thuds on your door. You won't open it, of course, but that doesn't matter. A crash informs you that it's been smashed in! The mob, or army, or you don't know what rushes in! If God, or Allah, or whomever you pray to, is kind, the invaders will simply force you out into the street. If your god is very kind, the invaders may even allow you to gather what you can carry before you leave. But if your god is not with you, or if you worship the wrong god, you are truly and horribly on your own. Just ask the tens of thousands murdered by invading forces, or the thousands of women raped and forced into sexual service by a marauding army. Or ask the millions left with no food and water, forced to wander, searching for a place of safety, a place with food and water, a place of rest. Welcome to the world of the refugee...

Not a hopeful picture, is it? We call ourselves civilized. But if we ignore the nightmare of the world's refugees, we have no business aspiring to any higher level of being. "But what can I do?", you ask. First of all, be aware! Check your news sources for information. Google the word "refugee" [as of the moment this is written, there are more than two million entries; something there should be informative]. Make sure your children are informed, whether or not their schools are involved in educating them about the crisis [here is a site sponsored by the UN that gives a good overview of the issues]. If such a response is appropriate for you, pray. Contact your political leaders [how hard is it to send them an e-mail?], letting them know your concerns. Discuss the refugee problem with friends and family. Read more blogs on this topic [it is a Bloggers Unite issue on Monday, November 10th; more than a few of your favorite sites will probably be addressing it]. Above all, use your humanity! Remember our little exercise. Someday, it could be you,

-Mike Riley

Another Of Your Author's Secret Fears Revealed

2008-11-02T23:09:00.013-05:00

Okay, I've got a question, and I want an answer now:

"What is the deal with birds flying around inside supermarkets?". You heard me.

This is not some paranoiac rant [I've done enough of those over the years that I think you'd know the difference]. This is a legitimate question, dammit! I keep seeing birds flying around inside supermarkets [I took the photo at left so that you'd believe me. Unfortunately, the camera was set on "portrait" and the bird flew out of frame. But it's there. Just out of your field of vision, but it's there!]. I can be in a store, picking up a loaf of bread and some cereal, and there the filth-carrying creature is, flying across the supermarket, as unconcerned as can be [do birds feel concern? How the Hell should I know? I'm a blogger, dammit, not a scientist!].

As you may have guessed from this entry's title, birds flying around inside a supermarket plays into one of my Secret Fears. It's not that I'm going out of my way to keep them secret; otherwise, this post would almost certainly be about something else. They're just fears that aren't obvious to the nekkid eye when you first see me [like the fear of losing the four or five hairs that desperately cling to the top of my head; talk about your endangered species!]. Lord knows, we all have them [hey, if you were perfectly adjusted, would you be reading/writing blogs?]. One of mine, obviously, is birds flying around inside a building. Birds flying around outside, oddly enough, make no impression on me one way or the other. But get them flying around inside your [otherwise] Friendly Neighborhood Building, and Mr. Riley is, well, unnerved.

Oh, crap! There's one now! Wait a minute, it's outside. And it's a photo. Turn off the alarms, boys. Let the adrenaline run out. No danger here! Seriously though, just like Mr. Jackson and his disliked Snakes On A Plane [why do I have a feeling that that phrase turns up in standard lists of waitress lingo? I don't know what kind of sandwich comes up when you order it, but I'll wager that's where the phrase comes from], birds flying around inside a building turns the contents of my digestive track to liquid. I once had two friends who operated a pet store. Very nice place, all in all. The animals they sold were well-cared for and healthy, and the store was clean and friendly [of course, it closed within 18 months. Maybe people really prefer "pet mill" animals]. The only thing I truly disliked about the store were the parrots and cockerels that were allowed to fly around the store. Their wings had been clipped [a standard practice in such matters, I'm told, and not injurious to the birds], so they couldn't fly far, but they did have the freedom of the place. Unlike supermarket birds, they did not stay close to ceiling level, but flew at a height of about 5' 7 1/2" off the ground. This put them at head height, in relationship to me [and, of course, just over the heads of the store owners]. Nothing like a bright red, beak-and-claw equipped creature known to capture animals in mid-flight, zooming straight for you, wanting to perch, adorably, on your shoulder. Perhaps if I were a peg-legged, crusty old sea captain [instead of a crusty old blogger], I'd be more interested in the photo op. As it is, though, not so much.

But enough about me. Let's return to the birds in supermarket question. I've asked around [you'd be surprised how little formal information exists on this vital issue], and my "experts" [some of whom work in supermarkets, some do not] have given me the following theories:

-supermarkets get constructed around them. Maybe. Birds nest in some rather surprising places, and I can see the appeal of a building skeleton to your young couple interested in starting a family. But why then do you almost never see birds in other types of newly-constructed building?

-they fly in through open supermarket doors, seeking warmth. Okay, I understand that. But, again, why are they so rare in other types of buildings?

-birds fly in through the loading doors in back of the supermarket, then fly into the main part of the store. Again, clear enough. I can even picture a hungry bird choosing a supermarket as a good source of food. But other types of stores sell food [non-Super Center Wal-Marts, for instance], and you almost never see birds in them! A related question; if you shop at one of these bird-infested supermarkets, have you ever seen food damaged by some gull catching a quick breakfast? I never have, and I frequently shop very early in a market's business day [they can't have found all the opened packages, every time]. If they're not eating there, where and what do they eat? And do I truly not want to know?

Oh, God! Not again! And there's a hundred of them! No, wait. Outside. Photo. Calm down. Anyway, this bird thing can really wear a guy out. And not in a good way.

No birds [or humans] were injured in the making of this post.

Personal note: November 4th [Tuesday] is Election Day in the United States. No matter who you support, please get out and vote for them...

-Mike Riley

In Which Mike Is Led, Kicking And Screaming, Into The Current Century

2008-10-22T02:24:00.010-04:00

Ya know, when it comes to technology, I'm a regular Luddite. I don't find technology particularly sinful or immoral. I'm just very slow to adopt it. Take MP3 players. I've seen all the specs about how much music you can fit on one [and, to that extent, feel free to believe the hype]. The problem for me [and anyone else who went for the low-end models; stay away from RCA (just my advice, of course. But based on some experience)] is that the songs on the device get boring thru repetition. And it's not easy coming up with another 300 new "favorite" songs every time you want to change your tunes. Personally, I've gone back to the portable CD player, and if you're like me you will too.

Anyway, my boss here in Radioland has been after me to join a socialist [oh, sorry: social-networking. Although I wonder if there's really much difference] site. He recommended Facebook, based, I'd expect, on his positive experiences with it. Sign-up was easy enough, though the system seemed to keep you jumping around [or at least give the option to do so] from one area to another. You move, seemingly willy-nilly, from finding Friends, to writing your Profile, to who knows what else. It's fun, but nearly as time consuming as dropping ECs. Then again, you do meet people. I've gotten friendship requests from people I haven't seen since high school. Which brings up another potentially awkward question: if we had too little in common to connect after Grade 12, waddya gonna talk about after 20 or more years' separation? Let's face it: there's only So Much you can say about your kids [and Person B about his or hers', Before long, you're trying to figure out which choke hold to end the conversation with [my personal favorite is the choke slam, favored by The Undertaker, among others. The Woman I Love, on the other hand, favors the cross-neck arm bar, currently quite popular as a finishing move in mixed martial arts. You can just imagine the two of us at church socials].

So, about a decade after the beginning of the social network movement [and only four-and-two-thirds years after the founding of Facebook], Bubby has joined the s/n world [as opposed to the s/m world. Which I don't belong to. Not that there's anything wrong with it]. Look for me on Facebook, be my friend [if you're into that sort of thing], and maybe, just maybe, I'll give this MP3 thing another try...

-Mike Riley

Blog Action Day - Dodging Bullets

2008-10-15T03:11:00.012-04:00

As a nation, we here in the US have become exceptionally good at dodging bullets. I mean, just when the economic framework was about to go ker-plunk, the Government steps in to prop it up. The banks will be secure, the stock market is stabilizing, even gas prices [one economic factor that affects virtually everyone, what with shipping costs being factored into product prices and all] are coming down a bit. But it may be a bit early for the Nationwide Sigh Of Relief. After all, a check of history reveals that stock prices rebounded briefly in the days after the Crash of 1929. Not every bank that collapsed in the Great Depression went under in the first days after the Crash. And the global picture is not as secure as ours, if indeed, ours IS that secure.

Of course, the last time we faced anything like this was the Great Depression of 1929 and thereafter. To those born after its conclusion, no explanation is possible. For those who lived through it, no explanation is necessary. The roots seem to be the same: bad investments, naked greed, speculation by people who had no business dropping a bet in penny-ante poker, no less the high-stakes of Wall Street. And, as in 1929 and following, it's likely Government, through taxation and benefit cuts to the groups within Society that can least afford to be hit, that will shoulder the burden of paying it all off. Oh, wait; in the 1930's, the US Government put protections in place to help those most affected by the Crash. I KNEW there was a difference somewhere.

The point we should all keep in mind, however, is this: as grinding as a depression would be here, there are unknown millions living in poverty that even Depression-era survivors could not envision. We need to reach the hopeless poor, those who can't even imagine rising above the lowest level of existence. How can you and I do this? Two words: GET INVOLVED! Find a group who tries to help the poor. Join it. If you can donate to charity, do it. Here's one we can all do: it's election season. Canada held its vote yesterday [congratulations on your re-election, Mr. Harper: just remember, though, minority governments have been known to fall over social issues], the US goes to the polls on November 4th, and much of the rest of the world will vote sometime in the next year or two. Seek out candidates and parties committed to helping those in poverty, at home and abroad. If your politicians aren't talking about poverty, call them out to do so [hey, it's your vote: the least you can do is be informed]. And remember: one person living a diminished life diminishes us all.

-Mike Riley

Don't Give Us The Money!

2008-10-10T02:18:00.006-04:00

There have been times when I've felt like Calvin. Oddly enough, though, this is not one of them. Let me explain. In recent days, stories of bailouts have been popping up in newspapers around the world [not that I read newspapers from around the world; frankly, anything not in English would be difficult. Get away from the so-called "Romance" languages, and I'd be totally lost. As I sometimes am in English]. It seems like every nation with the economic wherewithal to prop up an industry or two is doing just that. Here in the U-S-of-A, the Government has committed hundreds of billions of dollars [a figure I can barely comprehend] in an attempt to keep the financial marketplace standing. Meanwhile, military actions in Iraq and Afghanistan [comparative bargains, at roughly a billion dollars a month] continue, with little or no discussion as to an end-date, except for a few Presidential candidates. Let's put this in perspective. On January 20, 2001, George W. Bush sat atop a comfortable budget surplus. In eight years, his administration, aided and abetted by, among others, Congress, the Judiciary, and those people who voted for him in 2004 after seeing how the previous years had gone, drained the surplus and left a crushing debt for our children, grandchildren, and probably great-grandchildren to pay off. And these are the "fiscal conservatives"!

Anyway, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is floating a modest 1.4 Billion dollar plan to pump some money into the economy. Much of it would go into social service programs, but there is apparently some talk of another "economic stimulus" check for most Americans. Don't get me wrong; The Woman I Love and I made [mostly] good use of the free cash earlier this year. But I think of the unborn generations that are already set to be gob-smacked, and I don't know how I feel. I mean, the social service aid part of the plan should be carried out, if possible. But more "money for nothing"? I dunno. Besides, the last round of checks was supposed to encourage us to spend, right? I don't know about you, but most of our money went into paying bills. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)

So, talk it out among yourselves, but perhaps this isn't the best time for a free handful of cash [of course, if I owned Wal*Mart stock, I'd be screaming for the handout].

-This is just me, of course,

Mike Riley

Asking For Clarification

2008-09-30T01:03:00.011-04:00

Okay. Lemee see if I've got this straight: the US [and by extension, most of the rest of the world] is on the knife-edge of a possibly cataclysmic financial crisis. Economic experts across the political spectrum agree that Something must be done, and quickly. The President suggest a plan, which even he acknowledges is far from ideal, but the best that can be done at the moment. Several days of rapid negotiations follow. A deal is in place, then it isn't. Finally, a package is settled on by leaders of both parties. In a rare show of statesmanship [especially nowadays], the Democrats throw nearly-full support behind it. Both major Presidential candidates [who probably would have preferred to sidestep the whole thing] get on board. Then, at voting time, the majority of Republicans leave their President swinging in the breeze. Their defection, along with the few Democrats who never agreed to support the package, is enough to kill the proposal. Have I basically got this right? If I do, I'd like to interject Leno's Question [the famous inquiry from Leno to Hugh Grant, after Grant had been arrested for soliciting. This was at the time Grant was in a long-term relationship with Elizabeth Hurley, a woman so mind-bogglingly beautiful that men across the planet were willing to surrender one of "the boys", in exchange for just the possibility of using the other one with her]:

"What were you thinking?"

I mean, you've left the President [in theory, the highest-ranking member of your party] in disgrace [although anyone arguing that he had already placed himself there will get at least a hearing from me], your party's candidate in the upcoming Presidential election in the lurch [McCain reportedly was no more than lukewarm to the plan in the first place], not to mention the economic chaos that much-smarter people than I in such matters [much smarter than most of the Congressmen as well, unless I miss my guess] say is certain to ensue.Well, I, for one have to say I will NEVER call the Democratic Party disorganized again!

Of course, those of you who live in countries using the Parliamentary system of government have the right to snicker at our confusion [the UK, whose famous Houses of Parliament are pictured at right, is just one example].Under that form of governance, Monday's vote would probably constitute a vote of "no confidence" [if I understand the circumstance rightly]. When the Republican proposal was defeated, the Democrats, being the majority party in both US Houses, would immediately form a new government [and just imagine all the hassle that would save us over the next six weeks!]. I don't know what will happen next here, but, personally, I plan to save all my EC credits. At the going rate [1,000 @ $USD 6.00], I might just be able to keep a roof over my head!

-Mike Riley

Dangerous Questions

2008-09-20T19:37:00.013-04:00

[This post is mainly for guys; women, of course, are free to read it, but, as they are all too well aware of the techniques revealed within, why would they?]

As regular readers of these wrds can tell you, I recently [earlier this week] became a year older [51, to be exact; I'm not particularly sensitive about aging. It's that sudden stop at the end that bothers me...] As a representative of "experience" on the Blogosphere [not "knowledge", mind you, but "experience"], I'm taking it on myself to alert some of our less-schooled male readers to consider their words carefully, especially when in conversation with A Person we'll call, for sake of identification, That Special Someone [and yes, there is a romantic component at work here. Just so's ya know...]

As anyone who's ever been in A Romantic Relationship can tell you, there are difficult conversations that can creep up at the least desirable moments [examples of these include inquiries about phone numbers found in your possession, requests for further details on the Person That Special Someone's Best Friend saw you out with last night, and so on]. The dangers of those questions would seem obvious to anyone. Candid replies may not work ideally in these scenarios, but, as always, do what seems best. Remember, honesty is not a bad option [especially if Last Night went better than you'd hoped].

Sometimes, however, questions can come from the worst possible place; the imagination of one or both parties to the relationship [if there are more or less than two parties to said relationship (at least under normal circumstances), get that situation well in hand before any further mayhem can ensue]. There are few questions more terrifying [or more dangerous] to Our Young Man In Love, than the school based around variations on "What if?" You probably have heard of the type: "Honey, if I were to die suddenly [NEVER a good place for the conversation to go], would you start dating again?" Your best option with this type of question is to invoke Phyfe's Rule; nip it in the bud!

But People Who Love can be wily [though, now that I think of it, I don't remember seeing any Road Runner cartoons that speculated on the love life of one Wile E. Coyote. But I digress], asking questions that slide into the hot fantasy category. Example; "Sweetie, if I could share you for the night with any woman in the world [or man, if more suitable to your situation. As always, your mileage may vary], who would it be?" For the love of God, never answer that question! Like a choice between a buzz saw and a vat of acid, there is NO safe option! For example, my quandary: I've always found Jo Frost, Television's SuperNanny, rather hot. Maybe it's the glasses; maybe it's the womanly proportions on that girl; maybe it's the prospect of being sent to the Naughty Chair [I can't wait to see what the "Comments" page does with this revelation]; at any rate, there you are.

Not so long ago, The Woman I Love [certainly not a courtesy title] asked that one; myself, being in a less than rested state, made the mistake of Candor. What in Hell was I thinking? I don't think TWIL was so much offended as completely puzzled by my pick. And there was no explaining it, of course.

So, Young Lovers, whomever you are, hello. Be vewy, vewy careful how you answer the Dangerous Questions. And, for those who MUST ask, follow the Attorney's Principle and NEVER ask a question that you don't know the answer to! Or want to know...

-Mike Riley

Watching The Wheels Fall Off...

2008-09-17T02:21:00.009-04:00

Is it just moi, or are any of the rest of you on the Blogosphere having trouble executing a three-point turn without encountering Something New about Sarah Palin, the Republican candidate for vice-president? And when are we to hear something substantive from the political flavor du jour?
Like most people, I thought Palin's selection by Presidential candidate John McCain came out of right field. Yes, I've heard all the comments that she has more "executive experience" than Barack Obama [and for the moment, let's ignore the fact that Palin probably administers more elk and caribou than humans]. Sure, Democratic veep choice Joe Biden once lifted part of a major speech from one given in the English Parliament, without acknowledgment. What college sophomore, in this Internet era, can say he or she hasn't committed the moral equivalent of that act? (We can't call it edifying, but it was almost inevitable)
I wouldn't even mind the Palinmania that seems to be sweeping the US, if she'd at least had a hit single or two [I mean, the Beatles waited to come here until they were atop the US charts]. My memory of the Eighties isn't as good as it used to be, but I don't seem to remember Geraldine Ferraro getting this much hype when the Democrats nominated her for VP. Could it be because [Heaven forbid] she's a former beauty-pageant contestant/TV sportscaster/"pothead" [by her own admission]? (I was the second and third, but have never entered a beauty contest. For obvious reasons...)

I guess my real problem here is that, at a time when the Other Issues [war, economic free fall, loss of world respect, (add whatever I've missed)], we're dwelling on eyeglasses, hair styles, and other peripheral matters. Then again, how is this different from any of our recent Presidential elections? For God's sakes, people, FOCUS...

-Mike Riley

Something New [to me, anyway]

2008-09-12T01:19:00.008-04:00

Sometimes discovering new things is accomplished by hard work; other times, it's just a matter of checking your EntreCard "in" box. Case in point: a new advertiser, Ritualistic, has a featured post on the machinima Red vs Blue. I think I may have seen some of this stuff somewhere before, but this is the first time it's made a real impression. Like a lot of "genre" comedy albums that came out in the 70's and 80's ["doper", "wiseass", "celebrity impersonations", etc], this can probably get old very quickly, but the good people at Roosterteeth [creators of "RvB" and possibly inventors of the whole machinima art form], at least in their first series, have some funny shit, man [Sorry. I almost put out a "doper" album in '83]. Since the story line of RvB involves soldiers, they talk like soldiers [IE, curse words, etc. If you let your kids watch most R-rated movies, they've probably heard everything they'd hear here. But be advised].

As I understand it, the original series is posted on YouTube; search for "RvB" or "Roosterteeth" and you should be fine. There are worse ways to spend some time on a Sunday [or Saturday, as the case may be].

-Mike Riley

Do Not Disturbia...

2008-09-09T03:02:00.011-04:00

As anyone who pays even the slightest bit of attention to reality can tell you, things in this life have a tendency to repeat [consider the peppers I had for dinner tonight. Or don't]. Consider World War I, followed twenty or so years later by World War II [The Sequel]. More to the point, consider the two movie posters reproduced above. On the left, it's James Stewart and Grace Kelly, promoting the classic Alfred Hitchcock film Rear Window. On the right, Shia LaBeouf, in a poster for last year's Disturbia. Pretty similar, aren't they? Both include a man holding binoculars, and feature a black - and - red color scheme [although anyone who dares to compare Mr. Stewart and Mr. LaBeouf's acting talent will personally get bitch-slapped by me for being a wise-ass].

Anyway, in a new lawsuit playing to early critical acclaim, the owners of the original story ["Murder From A Fixed Viewpoint"] claim that, since Disturbia is such a precise copy of [oh, let's be nice and call it homage to] Rear Window, it, like the Hitchcock predecessor, should have paid royalties to use that story [as Alfred Hitchcock and James Stewart, who conceived the idea of making the movie, did].

What makes this all the more fascinating is the fact that Steven Spielberg was Executive Producer on Disturbia. One would think Spielberg, of all people, would know better. He must have seen this coming when major reviews in New York and Toronto noted the glaring similarities [while noting that, for all that, it was a reasonably well-made movie. But no Rear Window].

Anyway, I had an idea. In future, whenever a movie too closely copies another film, domestic or foreign, without openly admitting it, half the profits should go into research. After all, there are only supposed to be seven "plots". It's time for the creative people of the world to fill in the many gaps on the Periodic Table of Plots [or, at the very least, come up with an eighth plot!].

- Mike [humming She Blinded Me With Science] Riley

P.S.: I'm Michael Riley, and I do not approve this message.

Seeing Is Believing

2008-09-01T01:08:00.019-04:00

In 1968, as the Vietnam War was at its height, no newscaster was more respected in the United States than Walter Cronkite [left]. Dutifully, he had been reporting on the US incursion based on Government-supplied information. But he began hearing reports from colleagues on the scene that led him to question exactly what was happening in that corner of Southeast Asia. As an "old school" journalist [he had reported with distinction during World War II a quarter-century earlier], Cronkite wanted to explore these stories himself. He finally persuaded CBS [the network he worked for] to send him to Vietnam, and report from the war zone. While there, he spoke to officers and enlisted men, official and unofficial sources. And he came to a disturbing conclusion; he, and the rest of the American people, were being lied to.

In his reports from Vietnam, and his reporting on the War thereafter, Cronkite was a changed man. In an editorial, he said what many on the scene had said; the War, as it was being fought, was unwinnable. His coverage changed the opinions of many at home.

Something similar happened a few years ago, when Hurricane Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast region of the United States, with special destruction reserved for the city of New Orleans. Journalists on the scene saw the destruction and death, and were amazed that the Government attempted to say, "All is well".Their reports reflected what they saw and heard.

Now that region, still rebuilding from Katrina, is about to be challenged again. AS this is being written, Hurricane Gustav is about twelve hours from reaching land in the Gulf. To be fair, the lessons learned from Katrina are bearing fruit. New Orleans, a city built below sea level, has been evacuated. The Federal Emergency Management Agency [FEMA] is on the scene. Equipment and the military are there [it's a pity so many are unavailable, fighting another unwinnable war]. Once again, the Gulf region, and the world, holds its breath.

Those of you who pray, or meditate, or believe in positive thinking: please send your thoughts to New Orleans and environs. No area should go through what they have gone through.

Again.

-Mike Riley

Summer Madness

2008-08-27T00:52:00.019-04:00

No, no, not that Summer [Donna Summer, in case you're unaware]!!!

Yes, that Summer [the season, not the Queen of Disco]. Here in the Northern Hemisphere, our warm-weather bacchanals are almost over. We're already having nighttime lows of around 50 degrees F here in Western New York State, and it's just a matter of time before the daytime highs drop below that. Of course, our loss is the Southern Hemisphere's gain, as South America, Africa, Oceania, and the other parts of the world below the Equator get their "Seasons In The Sun".

Hopefully, you got more out of your summer [or will get more, if you're a proud Southern Hemispherer] than I did. For some reason, I didn't get much of anywhere or do much of anything. Now, The Woman I Love got out to Oklahoma for a conference, but Yours Truly got no farther than outside our local casino, to see Joan Jett in a free show [pretty good, by the bye. Of course, that was just last weekend...].

Let's see now; any big trends from the Summer just ending? America - a land sick of politics [these elections seem to have peaked too early, unless Candidate "A" or Candidate "B" self-destructs in some truly spectacular manner. We can only hope]. Big Summer Song: Sweet Home Alaba-no, Werewolves Of Lon - no, it's really All Summer Long - Kid Rock's heavy-handed homage to the above songs, as well as an admission that K-Rock's adolescence wasn't really any more interesting than yours or mine. Except that he got some. Olympic Athlete That Those Who Prefer The Male Anatomy Would Most Like To Get Some From; Michael Phelps, in a walk-over [that swimmer's physique is an acquired taste, but a joy forever. Or so I'm told...].

Then again, even those who actually did stuff this Summer are pikers, compared to the brave folk of Finland, where everything is a Summer festival. (Poor, sad Denmark, settling for the "Kicking Vanilla Ice Cream" championship! Now, a "Kicking Vanilla Ice" competition, that would bring in the crowds!)

Is there a moral to all this? Well, there's still time to get out and enjoy what's left of Summer [or to plan ahead if, once again, you're in the Southern Hemisphere]. And, since Winter is the longest-lasting season around here [some years, it seems like forever], there's plenty of time to fill your dance card [I've actually been invited to review a marital aid. You can't imagine my anticipation...]. Anyway, get out of the house, and get some fresh air, whydoncha?

-Mike Riley

No Sudden Moves

2008-08-22T02:11:00.007-04:00

Okay. I've taken a few days to relax [what the Hell was that noise? Is someone out there?]. I've taken as many deep breaths as I can without bringing on [where's that flash of light from?] dizziness.I've even kept away from all those [who is that out there?] "conspiracy theory" blogs. Despite my paranoid theories to the contrary, Blogger does not seem to be targeting my blog for its dreaded editing spiders [For several minutes at a time now, I even believe that they don't have editing spiders]. I still don't know what caused the "masking" of passages in this blog [see previous post for all the paranoiac ramblings], but, based on the sane [-sounding] words of reassurance [especially from Deb, who probably would be censored if anyone I know would], Blogger does not censor, nor does it edit [That asserted, I would love to know what happened. If anyone from Google is reading this, first, I bow down to our earthly masters and, two, what is that all about, anyway?].

Like many disillusioned blog-meisters, I've re-done my site [more changes to come, I suspect], did some preliminary sniffing at a WordPress site [I don't know enough xhtml to switch], then decided to throw in the towel and make peace with Blogger. It may be an uneasy peace on both sides, but awkward rest is better than no rest at all.

On a totally unrelated matter; what is the big deal about women table-tennis players? I'm referring to a campaign by the International Association that oversees the sport, trying to get its top stars to dress, shall we say, more sexily [as a healthy, card-carrying male, of course the prospect is appealing. But shouldn't that be up to the individual players to decide for themselves?]. The Powers That Be in table tennis, seeing the skirts worn in traditional tennis and, in recent years, badminton [not to mention the uniforms of choice in beach volleyball], decided that tarting up their women players will bring a few more male viewers into the tent. Except for the fact that the plan will probably work, as a man I'd be insulted! Let it be noted, though: during one of the women's track events this past week, one of the runners was from the Muslim nation of Bahrain. She wore a traditional track suit, of course - over a white-colored garment that covered her entire body except for her head and feet. I don't remember where she finished [not in the top 3], but I remember the outfit, both as a reflection of her religious beliefs, and as distinctive track garb. Maybe table tennis should go for the "mystery" factor; cover 'em up, and let your fans fantasise all they want!

-Mike Riley

An Open Letter To My Readers

2008-08-18T23:55:00.005-04:00

Readers and Friends-

First of all, my sincere apologies for what happened to last weekend's scheduled contest. The topic announcement [previous post] had some series issues, which I will address shortly. Possible participants may have been driven away by the confusing nature of the post as published. Others, who may have somehow pieced out the meaning, may have considered the topic "Why I ride side-saddle" beneath contempt [actually, it came from a 50's American TV show with a similar concept]. At any rate, there were no entries. No entries - no prize.Sorry. Please understand that none of this was my intention.

Since this happened, I've been trying to figure out what went wrong. Here's what I've come up with so far:

-the contest was poorly conceived. Very possible. It certainly wasn't set up like most contests of late. There was no required series of things to do to acquire "points". But there was a reason for that. I wanted a contest that didn't require you to do things you really didn't want to do. Hey, I'd love it if you subscribe to this feed. But only if you're really interested in reading it, and don't want to miss any posts. Otherwise, it's just "invited spam" and, quite frankly, who needs it? Is it really possible that people prefer jumping through hoops to doing a bit of creative writing? Another question I've been mulling over. The jury is still out on that one.

-it was poorly publicised. Again, very possible. One thing that requiring contestants to blog about the contest does is to spread the word quickly. And certainly anyone could have written about it if they so chose. But it was not a requirement, and, looking back, I don't think I'd make it one even now.

-did running a contest on my blog violate some arcane Blogger regulation? Uncertain, but I doubt it. I don't know anyone who carefully reads every word of the Blogger rules before creating a blog. I know I didn't. If that is the case, my bad. Again, sorry.

That's what I've got so far. I'm sure there are other factors that may occur to me, as I replay the events in my mind. But there is one element that I didn't have total control over that may have contributed to this fiasco; the incomplete nature of the topic announcement post. Here, I frankly have no idea. I sent it as a "scheduled post", only to discover that, in its published form, certain portions were masked [that is, some of the post appears invisible. If you want to read it, just mouse over the blank sections while holding down the left mouse button]. This happened to me once before, a couple of years ago. You can look into the matter at: http://aftermidnightpage.blogspot.com/search/label/%22censored%22%20entry. To be very honest, I'm still not exactly sure what happened there. And, while I'll admit that parts of that post [not the masked parts, oddly enough] touched on sensitive issues of different religions, I've yet to figure out how a contest announcement fits into such categories.

Blogger has said on more than one occasion that it does not censor posts. Okay, why were these posts "edited"? There is probably somewhere to go to get a clarification, but I've yet to figure out where. I tried Blogger Help Group, but the only answer there says it was probably "Satan". Now, I do believe in the existence of that being. But I also believe his plate is a bit too full to worry about blog contests [unless he's running an EC scam on the side].

So, now what? I don't know. Right about now, I don't know if I want to bother with any of this. Maybe I should move from Blogger. I just don't know. But I did feel you deserved an explanation. I'm sure I'll be back. I just don't know when...

-Perplexed, a.k.a. Mike Riley

IRON BLOGGER Topic Announcement

2008-08-15T23:59:00.001-04:00

Well, it's time. On behalf of everyone involved in the IRON BLOGGER Organizing Team [just me, actually, but it looks more impressive if we pretend there's an army running this thing], welcome to the Iron Blogger Topic Announcement! If you're just finding out about all this check this link for rules: http://aftermidnightpage.blogspot.com/2008/08/iron-blogger-contest-update.html. Now without further ado, we turn things over to the creator of Iron Blogger, Japanese industrialist Honda Suzuki.

If memory serves me right, there was an American game show in the 1950's. Its premise was very similar to this contest. Contestants [celebrities, usually] were given a topic, and asked to speak extemporaneously for 90 seconds on the subject. In that spirit, we humbly select a topic from that program, as our challenge subject for this competition. Before I present the topic, let me send best wishes to all our participants. Here is the topic for the first Iron Blogger Competition:

"Why I ride side-saddle".

Thank you, Mr. Suzuki. Ladies and gentlemen, the competition is now open, and will remain so until midnight on Sunday, August 17th, US Eastern Daylight Time. The winner will be announced on Friday, August 22nd. Good luck to all, and strive for the People's Ovation!

-Mike Riley

Triumph Of The Will

2008-08-11T03:25:00.005-04:00

There is an episode of "The Simpsons" where Springfield is hosting a film festival. Everyone in town, it seems, is putting a short film together to enter. That includes money-man extraordinaire Montgomery Burns. He calls in his principle minion, Mr. Smithers, and orders him to hire Steven Spielberg. Smithers replies that Spielberg is just plain unavailable [even Monty Burns' money has a limit]. Okay, Mr. Burns replies, get his non-union Mexican equivalent, Senior Spielbergo.

When the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics were in their early planning stages, the Olympic Committee had the services of the genuine Spielberg. Then, owing to China's frankly disturbing politics, he withdrew. But, like Monty Burns, the organizers had a substitute in mind. His name is Zhang Yimou [right], a noted film director himself. One of the commentators on TV noted that the Opening Ceremonies had the look of Zhang creating a cinematic spectacle with a truly unlimited budget. The exact amount spent for Friday night's presentation is no doubt a State secret, but let it be said; whatever was spent on those ceremonies, the Chinese Olympic Committee truly got its money worth, if not more. I don't think I will ever forget watching the last Torch bearer lifted to the rim of the Bird's Nest stadium, there to "run" the length of the stadium [see "Video Of The Week", below right], before lighting a previously hidden cauldron, made to look like the torches each runner in the Relay had carried [one wonders if using a giant torch might remind viewers of the controversy that surrounded the relay. Sports and politics are uncomfortable companions, no matter how important the cause that motivates the protest].

The lighting of the Olympic flame has become more and more an art form. I remember the archer, firing a flaming arrow at Barcelona, Muhammad Ali battling his Parkinson's disease to fire the bowl in Atlanta. It has become, truly, a beautiful moment. But I wonder how many people remember the story of how the torch Relay began. We really don't know whether or not the ancients used a relay as part of their ceremonies [although fire was certainly involved in the rites; after all, the events were of a religious nature, and fire is a part of almost every culture's most basic ceremonies]. The first few Games of the modern era had no relay. So where did it come from?

The truth is that Nazi Germany created the ritual, as part of the events leading up to the 1936 Berlin Games. Whatever else can be said about Hitler's empire of madness, let it be noted that it was expert at ritual. It is fair to say that the Chinese have re-mastered the arts of symbolism, of rites and regalia. And lately, I have noticed that America has begun to develop a taste for such presentations, as did ancient Rome. And I wonder what the future will say about the quality of our rituals.

-Mike Riley

Iron Blogger Contest Update

2008-08-06T22:28:00.009-04:00

Ya know, I've got to learn more about contests before trying to run one! First, I have to remember to put the announcement at the beginning of the post, not the end [is it possible that My Fellow Bloggers don't read all of an entry when they reach the site? Or, even worse, is this another of those "We did read it, Mike; we just don't give a rat's ass" moments?]. Anyway, let's try this again, this time with special effects:

[Re-] ANNOUNCING THE FIRST [here anyway] IRON BLOGGER COMPETITION!

The format is deceptively simple: at Midnight [US Eastern Daylight Time], August 15th, a topic will be posted at this site. It may be serious or frivolous [but remember, this is classified as a "humor" blog]. All entrants will have until Midnight [US Eastern Daylight Time] on August 18th to post a 250-word [maximum; no minimum] essay on the Mystery Topic. They should be posted as "Comments" to the topic announcement post. Art or photos may be included, if you feel they will help your cause. And what are we playing for, Johnny Olsen?

ONE THOUSAND ENTRECARD CREDITS!

[I mean, the contest is open to any blogger, but, since the prize is EC credits, non-EC'ers may not be as interested. I can understand that...] The winner will also receive the as-yet-to-be-designed:

IRON BLOGGER CHAMPION BADGE!

Back to you, Mike!
Thanks, Johnny! I am always amazed at how cheaply dead announcers work. Some of you may be wondering why this contest, now [I know I am]. Well, it's Summer [in the Northern Hemisphere, anyway], it's hot, and I'M BORED! When you're bored, weird ideas run in and out of your head, and, well, this one made as much sense as any other one. By the way, you're not obliged to blog about this contest, link back to this post, or subscribe to this blog to win. But, if you can at least tell your friends about it, I'd appreciate it. Now, the fine print:

RULES -

1. / THE "IRON BLOGGER COMPETITION" WILL TAKE PLACE THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 15TH, 2008. THE COMPETITION TOPIC WILL BE POSTED ON AUGUST 15TH, AT 12 MIDNIGHT [US EASTERN DAYLIGHT TIME]. ENTRIES WILL BE ACCEPTED IMMEDIATELY FROM THE POSTING TIME, UNTIL MIDNIGHT [US EASTERN DAYLIGHT TIME] AUGUST 18TH. ALL ENTRIES RECEIVED AFTER THAT TIME ARE DISQUALIFIED.

2. / ENTRIES SHOULD BE SUBMITTED AS "COMMENTS" TO THE TOPIC ANNOUNCEMENT POST.

3. / ENTRIES MAY CONTAIN NO MORE THAN 250 WORDS; ENTRIES LONGER THAN 250 WORDS ARE DISQUALIFIED. ARTWORK AND PHOTOS MAY BE SUBMITTED AS PART OF THE ENTRY, BUT DO NOT COUNT TOWARDS THE WORD TOTAL.

4. / EACH ENTRY SHOULD INCLUDE, EITHER AT THE BEGINNING OR END, AN E-MAIL ADDRESS FOR USE OF CONTACTING THE WINNER. IF AN ENTRANT WISHES, S/HE MAY CREATE A "JUNK MAIL" ADDRESS FOR NOTIFICATION PURPOSES. LORD KNOWS, THERE ARE ENOUGH SITES OUT THERE THAT OFFER E-MAIL.

5. / AT THE SOLE DISCRETION OF THE JUDGE [MIKE RILEY], FURTHER PRIZES MAY BE AWARDED. HOWEVER, THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT THIS WILL TAKE PLACE.

6. / ONLY ONE ENTRY PER PERSON WILL BE ACCEPTED.

7. / ALL DECISIONS OF THE JUDGE ARE FINAL. THE "NO CRYBABY" RULE IS IN EFFECT. AFTER ALL, PEOPLE, IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S MONEY ON THE LINE!

8. / THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR.

9. / GOOD LUCK TO ALL.

-Mike Riley

Dog Days

2008-08-06T03:02:00.006-04:00

My sincere apologies for not getting back here sooner, but it's just been too damn hot and humid around here. In most of the US, these days are known as the "dog days" of Summer. I've heard it explained as everything from feeling warm as a long haired dog on a hot day, to the position of the Dog Star in the sky. Personally, I think it's because we all just want to sleep under a cool table, or porch, if we're fortunate.

Another sign of summer blogging; large photos, drawings, etc. Why? To take up as much space as decently possible without actually having to fill it with THOUGHT-OUT COMMENT [actually, I didn't want you to miss the caption here. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself]!

Actually, 99% of all blog posts fall into the category of "pointless, incessant barking" [including this one], but the heat is making me cranky. So why don't I just complain about things I've noticed on blogs lately. You can jump in if you wish:

Blogs with music - It's not that I dislike music. I just don't want to be startled from my contemplative mood by some useless pop song from another country [America will always lead the world in the production of useless pop songs, dammit. I've never been prouder to be an American than when I remember that ]. If you MUST demonstrate your taste in music, how about letting the visitor decide whether or not to be so entertained? And turn those mp3's down, please!

"Trojan horse" blogs - I first noticed this trend earlier this year. You arrive at a blog, then, seconds after you've started to read a post, it changes into an ad. Come on, monetizers! That kind of sales strategy is going to cost you more potential sales than it's ever going to get you.

The next two complaints are related to Entrecard users; if you're not into the card game, please ignore these gripes:

No EC widget - Very annoying, especially for those of us who try to reciprocate drops. It seems somehow unethical to pick up credits from my site, but not allow me to do the same. EC needs to get a handle on this [along with other violations of EC rules].

Ad disclaimers - No, I'm not talking about those who notify their readers that they may be getting paid to blog on this or that [that kind of candor is appropriate]. I'm referring to people who say, near their EC widget, something like m"Ads selected by Entrecard. Not responsible for content". Last time I checked, people, all blog proprietors had the option to accept or reject any ad they chose to, for whatever reason they chose to give. If such matters are truly important to you, check your advertisers' blogs. If not, take the credits and move on. False piety may be the most annoying kind of all.

****************************************************************************

Okay, you've let me yammer. You should have the chance for a reward. I've got one thousand EC credits I'd like to get rid of. Here's how I'm going to do it: all readers of this blog, along with anyone who hears about it from friends, etc, is invited to participate in the first IRON BLOGGER COMPETITION [the first one here, anyway]. The rules are simple; one week from this Friday [on August 15th], a topic will be posted at this site. You will have the weekend to write up to 250 words on the topic. (Those responses will be submitted in the form of "comments" to the topic post.) If you feel some photo or artwork will help your chances, you are free to use them. The cutoff time will be Monday, August 18th, at 12 Midnight [US Eastern Daylight Time]. Any late entries, along with those posts that are more than 250 words, will be disqualified. In addition to the credits, the winner will be awarded the soon-to-be-prestigious IRON BLOGGER BADGE [I'm still designing it, but it should be funky]. Can I be bribed? Probably not, but I'm willing to listen to any offers...

-Mike Riley

Drawing A Line In The Dirt

2008-08-01T03:19:00.010-04:00

I hate to know this about myself, but I am more than capable of John Wayne moments. You know, the scene in the movie where the Duke has listened to the ranch owners snowballing the town folks about how they need the freedom to do what's best for the growing town. Wayne takes that stance, arms crossed over his chest, then says something like, "Like Hell you're going to do that". I feel ol' Marion Morrison coming on just now...

Recently, during the run-up to the affiliation with SezWho, I received an e-mail, sent by [at least allegedly] Graham. He wanted to post to this blog,running an article entitled "Top 10 Reasons Why the Entrecard-[SezWho] Partnership Rocks For Bloggers". He said he'd rather not run it on the in-house blog, believing it couldn't handle the increased traffic the post would bring to the site [Really? Who knew?]. He pointed out that the article would be Dugg, StumbledUpon, and in general sought out by many EC'ers curious to hear the Front Office's take on the whole matter.

Understand: I agreed with most of Graham's positives about his post running here. And I certainly didn't object to hosting his post in theory. But I did have an issue or two. The fact that, around that time, EC's own forums were subject to subjective editing made me question Graham's reason for moving his article here. Also, I have some special feelings about this site. It's the longest-lasting of my blogs. It's the blog I have reserved for personal opinions on some sensitive issues [along with some badly-written comedy]. So, not wishing Graham's deathless prose HERE, I offered him space in one of my other blogs: "the blog lab". I had addressed Entrecard issues on several occasions there, and felt [still feel] it was a more appropriate venue for such a piece. I never heard back from Graham. Shortly afterward, the post ran on another site. Fair enough. The post was Graham's to move to whichever site he wished. No hard feelings.

In recent days, there have been "teaser" announcements about upcoming "big" news. And, as happened in the days before the SW agreement was finalized, the censorship machine has been turned on again. An unknown number of sites have been booted off EC. A common thread running through most of them is a growing dissatisfaction with Entrecard. No one denies that anyone who operates a business has a fundamental right to carry on his or her operations in any way that seems proper, and violates no law. But I'd guess that the potential new dance partners are not stupid. They certainly are seeing the controversy, the turmoil at EC just now. (By the bye, a rhetorical question: is it wise to work on another "affiliation", while technical issues with the previous one [SW] remain unresolved? In a recent 'blog lab' posting, I stated that the technical issues with several platforms, especially Blogger, needed to be addressed ASAP. SezWho, to its credit, sent a reply through a representative. They acknowledged the problem, and basically hoped I'd hang in while the issues were worked out. Fair enough. At least SW accepted the criticism. EC seems most likely to sweep such legitimate complaints under the rug, or, worse, punish those who bring those complaints forward.

But that's really not what has me worked up. In recent days, I've seen posts on a few sites offering at least an acceptance born of fear. These bloggers said things like, "Watch what you say", or "Entrecard must have been right in punishing these bloggers". Everyone has the right to their opinion, but these posts sound, in their own way, like the sort of thing we're seeing coming out of the People's Republic of China in the run-up to the Olympics: the lid has to stay on, the control has to remain in place. Folks, we're all a little paranoid. But when a blogger's "comfort zone" is so compromised by an entity that they feel the need to defend such practices, it's time to stand up for our fellow posters' rights.

I'll be curious to see what happens over the next few days. Either way, I hope you'll keep coming back. I need an audient [singular of "audience"].

-Mike Riley

A Shaggy-Dog Story

2008-07-27T22:33:00.008-04:00

The two characters to the left are probably familiar to anyone over the age of, say, thirty. They are none other than [left to right] Gumby and Pokey. The duo starred in more than 200 short films, painstakingly made by manipulating clay images, one frame at a time, allowing the characters to speak, move, and generally seem as realistic as clay figures can be made to be. They were the creation of Art Clokey, who is also famous as the animator [though not the creator] of legendary Christian-oriented "claymation" characters Davey & Goliath [the denomination I belong to owns the rights to D & G, and allowed them to be used in, of all things, a Mountain Dew commercial, faithful to the images, if not the themes of the originals. At the time, it was announced that the license fee would allow for more Davey & Goliath shorts to be made; they may have been, but I've yet to see them].

Then again, this isn't about D & G, or, for that matter, Gumby and Pokey [a few cynics have expressed questionable theories on the exact nature of their relationship, which can be summarised pretty well by the illustration to the right: my response is GROW UP, PEOPLE! Besides, anyone who watched Gumby films should know that Pokey was a gelding. Those who wish to speculate on Pokey's rich fantasy life are free to do so. This is, after all, America, where clay figures are pretty much free to imagine anything they like].

No, our discussion is centered around Gumby's dog, the incitefully-named Nopey [so named because, despite his obvious intelligence, he could only say "Nope"; one episode pointed out that he could say it in several languages, including Japanese, but still, only "Nope"]. The picture does not do Nopey justice, since you can only see his hind quarters, but it comes from an interesting film. Entitled "Stuck On Books", it points out that, unlike other residents of Gumbopolis [even the evil Blockheads], Nopey was deathly afraid of entering books [Gumby's skill at this was so pronounced that he briefly served as a spokescharacter for the Library of Congress]. After a series of events, including Nopey getting stuck in a book [a situation that Gumby kept saying was impossible], he finally conquered his fears [although I don't remember him doing so in any other Gumby short]. Now, three photos into this posting, we've finally arrived at the point of my thesis; you sure the Hell can get stuck in a book, stuck to the point of never finishing it, stuck to the point that you feel like you never want to read anything again!

A few examples: Lord Of The Rings - I got through the first volume of the trilogy, but about halfway through the second book, I completely lost interest. I didn't give a rat's ass about the hobbits, the halflings, or the humans. I felt sorry for Gollum, but not enough to find out what happened to him [by the way, I was working with one of those "commemorative" volumes that came out with the movies (haven't seen those either). This thing had a complete timeline of the LOTR era, definitions of key terms, an appreciation of Tolkien (who I don't believe was the problem; he needed some major editing, but what writer doesn't), in short, all the signs of people with entirely too much time on their hands]. The volume is now leveling a table in my room.

Moby-Dick - See above for observation on over-written books. I actually came across a suggestion from wit Richard Armour that about half the book [the half in the middle] could safely be ignored. Armour noted, "Ahab isn't the only person who can be a skipper". Unless you truly want to know about 19th-century whaling, still sound advice.

Lord Of The Flies - Kids survive a plane crash, create a neo-primitive society, kill a few of each other, then are rescued by adults, who are disappointed they didn't act more "civilized". It's all you really need to know; the rest is pretty depressing.

Now, what books have you gotten stuck in?

-Mike Riley

If Anyone Asks, I'm On Staycation...

2008-07-23T20:53:00.006-04:00

God knows, I need to get out more. Out on the Internet, if nothing else. I just discovered a new concept in leisure activity [according to Google Images, it's somehow related to the image above, but I'll be d____d if I can figure out how]. For those of you a step or two ahead of Your Neighborly Blogger, we're talking about "staycation" [now, if you already know what a staycation is, PLEASE leave me a comment on how that protozoial object has ANYTHING to do with this new-fangled concept. Unless you want to visit the world of "Fantastic Voyage", I DON'T GET IT!].

Ahem. Excuse me. I was having an "irritated old man" moment. Anyway, "staycation" is the new buzz word for simulating a more-expensive vacation [usually outside your home country] by visiting places within your country somehow related to your destination of choice. The Wall Street Journal gave the example of a woman who wanted to visit Japan, but couldn't afford to go. Having the good fortune to live in New York City [rumor has it you can find anything in New York City], she simply got in touch with Japanese-related restaurants, galleries, and museum exhibits within the Big Apple, visited the circuit of them, and felt, afterwards, that she had a sense of life in Japan. That's all well-and-good, of course, if you live anywhere near a multi-cultural melting pot like NYC, say, or, for those of us in Western New York, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. But, using an American example [my apologies to those elsewhere], what if you live in, say, Austin, Texas, and have a hankering for the Canadian lifestyle? Sure, there are always a few hockey players in the region [no doubt trying to latch on in the Southern Hockey League]. You might find some ex-Longhorns who spent a year or two in the Canadian Football League [12 players on the field per team at any moment, 110-yard playing field, three downs instead of four. Nobody really knows why they changed the rules, but it does make it a uniquely Canadian game]. But how will you explore the minutua that makes immersion in another culture worthwhile? There are no Canadian Tire shops. I'd bet the nearest Tim Horton's [just check the Archives; I have written about them at some length] is three or four states over. And as for Hockey Night In Canada? Fuggedaboutit.

(The real reason all this came up, of course, is that I'm in the midst of a staycation this week. The Woman I Love is in, of all places, Oklahoma, for a Native American Lutheran conference. Instead of spending the week being paranoid about over-sleeping and missing work, I decided to stay here in Niagara Falls and watch over the cats) When I was a child, and the money wasn't there for a family vacation, my father would declare that we were spending the week at Veranda Beach, where the slogan was "All the comforts of home". After a day or two we kids realized we weren't going anywhere. That's when Dad would take us on drives to obscure places around Buffalo [how he knew about some of them I never knew]. Not a bad way to kill a few hours, in retrospect, especially when gas was 39 cents a gallon!

So, in the spirit of staycationing, I'm spending this week experiencing the Daylight Culture [why do people move around so early in the day?] with side trips to the Unemployed Culture Zones [most found on TV] in my area [that Jerry Springer is really a funny, funny guy, isn't he?]. I'm having a wonderful time, and wish you were here.

-Mike Riley

Respecting Our Elders

2008-07-14T03:20:00.007-04:00

While doing research for another of my blogs, I discovered that there are literally millions of blogs with only a single entry. Someone started the process of creating a new blog, posted a single entry, then abandoned it [in the name of full disclosure, I've walked away from a blog or two under similar circumstances in my lifetime]. I don't know why it happens, of course, but I suspect that those orphaned blogs were given up because the writer wasn't fully committed to the idea of blogging. Then there are blogs that are abandoned due to circumstances beyond the author's control.
For instance, the blog of Olive Riley [no relation], in Australia. The Life Of Riley began in February of 2007, when Ms. Riley was 107. Yeah. 107. A story about her blog is here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080714/lf_nm_life/blogger_oldest_dc. She posted, on average, once a week, until she was admitted to a nursing home late last month. She was also submitting videos to YouTube, where she sang and told stories. When she died over the weekend, at 108, she was acknowledged as the oldest blogger in the history of the activity.
Many people think of blogging as a younger person's form of expression. We don't check ID when you enter this site, but I'd be willing to wager that, at 50, I'm older than many, if not most, of my readers. While it's hard for me to feel wise most of the time, I can only imagine the wisdom Olive brought to her posts. Maybe it's time for us all to look for experienced muses...

Our condolences to Olive Riley's family in Australia, and her devoted readers around the world.

-Mike Riley